David Walliams takes us behind the scenes of the new series of Britain’s Got Talent
He reveals the reasons why Britain’s Got Talent is still going strong
In these social-distancing times, we need Britain’s Got Talent more than ever. Its mix of crooners, dancers, dog trainers, magicians and all-out balls-to-the-wall freaky oddness is the perfect distraction. Luckily, the auditions for the new, 14th series have already been filmed and will hit our screens this Saturday, even though the live shows have been put back to later in the year. So, before coronavirus changed all our lives, we sat down with David Walliams, in his eighth year as a BGT judge, to get his insider’s guide to what makes the show so unique, and what to expect this time round. Get ready for a man who paints with his penis, basically...
KEEPING IT REAL
“There’s nothing to prepare, no rehearsals, no briefings, we just have to turn up, wait for Simon Cowell to arrive and our job is to respond to what we see. It’s all about the element of surprise,” says David. “As much as people think it’s fake or contrived, we are genuinely reacting to the acts. And people love it when we get it wrong. The show’s defining moment was the unexpected brilliance of Susan Boyle. We’re always looking for those unique surprises.”
THE JUDGES’ CHEMISTRY
“Our gang of judges have been going strong for eight years now. We complement each other. I was probably a little bit more eager to please when I first started on the show – maybe I was a bit over the top. Maybe I’ve got worse! Alesha is very serious about being a judge, which is good. She won’t compromise her credibility. She won’t let people through just because they are stupid, and amusing in the moment, which I might do. Amanda is very experienced and she’s quite maternal to the acts. There was one time, a few years ago, when Alesha and Amanda stormed out. I wasn’t sure how serious
they were, but I think they were genuinely annoyed with me and Simon. We must have been winding them up. But we haven’t had any bust-ups this time round.”
SIMON’S SALMON
“Simon’s still got his normal persona of not liking anything much unless he can make lots of money out of it. But now that he’s a dad, if someone comes out in a dinosaur costume or something, he’ll say, ‘Oh, Eric would love this…’ Which he very well might, but it doesn’t mean they should go through and perform on the Royal Variety Performance! If a comedian comes on and does jokes about everyday things like going on the Tube or carrying a bag for life, Simon won’t get it because he has no understanding of normal life and he is very happy with that. He likes being in ‘Simon World’ and he’s been there for about the last 20 years.
“Simon’s also been on this diet, but that means he just eats my food. He helps himself – he doesn’t even ask. But he also feeds me his food sometimes. He has this salmon – which is probably how he’s kept so slim, because he just eats salmon sashimi. He puts his fork in my mouth to feed it to me – that’s where our relationship is. It’s quite intimate, quite erotic.”
THE QUITE FAMOUS ANT & DEC
“It’s hard to imagine anyone else hosting the show. Maybe Stephen Mulhern, but there’s only one of him. Ant & Dec are folk heroes, like Peter Kay or Billy Connolly – they’re universally loved. I’d be shocked to meet someone who doesn’t like them, and I love spending time with them. I thought I was well known until I was walked around Manchester with them, and everyone stops them. They’re incredibly generous with their time. I’ve known them for 25 years and they haven’t even grown since then. [Laughs.]”
THE BIG ARRIVALS
“We don’t walk from the hotel to the venue any more. This year, I drove Simon in an amphibious vehicle along the canal in
Making a grand entrance in Manchester
Manchester. He was annoyed that I was driving. It was a bit of a James Bond car and he thinks he is James Bond, so he thought he should be behind the wheel. We also had a run-to-work day, and I was wearing this costume that looked like I was riding on Simon’s back – like [old-school variety act] Bernie Clifton and his ostrich. I also dressed as the Queen for one arrival. I do look like her. A lot of people say I do. On Twitter, whenever a new photo of her comes out, people say it’s me. There’s one shot where she really looks like Frankie Howerd, but the rest of the time she looks like me. But we’re not related, sadly.”
THE GOLDEN BUZZER
“The other judges want to win. They all want to find the winning act with their Golden Buzzer. It’s a bit like losing your virginity, they want to get it over with too quickly. And this time, everyone – all the other judges plus Ant & Dec – had picked their Golden Buzzer halfway through filming, before we even set foot in the north of England. So, I deliberately waited – plus I wanted to ingratiate myself with
‘Mine and Simon’s relationship is quite erotic’
northerners, because I am a southern bastard.”
THE GLORIOUS ECCENTRICS
“I love the acts you would only find on our show. The eccentrics. We’ve got some amazing ones this year. There’s a guy called Tim Patch. He’s 70 and he paints pictures with his penis. They’ve filmed him tastefully, as much as you can. He had his back to the audience and us, so we didn’t have to see his penis – which is in a sock – and he painted a picture of me and Simon with it. Simon actually walked out. I think he thought it was a bit much. Then there’s Tom and Noelle, who make heads out of clay, then put them on their own heads, so they kind of clay model themselves into these creatures. There’s also a guy called Dario, who plays the keyboard and sings through a vocoder while dressed as a dinosaur, but the songs are not in any way reflective of the fact that he’s dressed as a dinosaur. Oh, and we’ve got a ventriloquist who has an octopus called Mr Cuddles, and to me that’s what Britain’s Got Talent is all about.” ■
Britain’s Got Talent returns to ITV, Saturday 11 April, 8pm.