Romesh Ranganathan tells us why he doesn’t want his mum to become a national treasure
The Crawley comedian chats lockdown goals, garish gifts, and glow ups with Kay Ribeiro
The last time we shot Romesh Ranganathan, he charmed the heat team so much with his dry sense of humour and hilarious quips (mainly about his legendary mum Shanthi) that we’ve been looking forward to our next shoot with him ever since. Alas, there’s no chance of that at the moment, which is especially disappointing after seeing his spectacular modelling skills on the last series of Rob & Romesh Vs, when he and Rob Beckett recreated David Gandy’s famous D&G Light Blue ad on a boat in their pants. Once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it, but we’ll get to that later.
While the world has ground to a semi-halt, the 42 year old’s domination of our television screens endures, as he returns this week with not one but two shows. There’s his fun topical BBC show, The Ranganation, in which specially chosen members of the public, celebrity guests and Shanthi chew over the issues of the day. Plus, the aforementioned hilarious Sky show with best friend and fellow comedian Beckett, in which they try (and fail) to learn new skills. If you haven’t seen it already, catch up immediately, because it’ll give you some muchneeded light relief.
Speaking of which, time to call Crawley’s finest…
Everyone’s been making banana bread. What new skill have you learnt in lockdown? Well, when my tour was postponed [because of COVID-19], I bought decks. So, my aim is to become a proficient enough DJ before the end of the lockdown to do an Insta-live session. I said to my wife I was buying DJ equipment and she said, “I think that’s a great idea.” And then it arrived and she said, “I thought you were joking, I was being sarcastic.” I heard it as, “I think that’s a great idea,” but what she meant is, “That’s a great idea.” So, now she’s basically said I’m not allowed to do it in the house, I’ve got to do it in the garage. With everything that’s going on, how will you film The Ranganation? In all likelihood we’ll still be in isolation, so we can’t be in the studio. It looks like it’s going to be from my house, but we want to keep everything the same. So, although it will look different, we’ll still have the Ranganation, my mum’s still going to be in it and we’ll still have the guests, and we’ll be doing the same stuff we’d normally do. I’m going to have to quit Djing for a few weeks, because it looks like we’re
‘Rob and I have a safe word for when he’s annoying’
going to have to put the show in the garage. Your mum’s in a lot of your shows – are you worried people will start to think you come as a package? [Laughs.] If I start to get offers for stuff that demand my mum is included, I don’t know what I’ll do. I honestly don’t. It’s so soul destroying to see how much people love her. She’s becoming a national treasure… Listen, I never want you to say that again. And I would certainly never say that to her. No, it’s really good, but I honestly reckon my ego will only accept it up to a point. If my agent calls me, because she wants to check if it’s alright to send an offer to my mum that doesn’t involve me, then… I mean, that must’ve happened already and she’s not told me, because she knew I couldn’t take it. Maybe Mum’s working on something now. You might be about to have a phone interview with her about her new show, I don’t know. With series two of Rob & Romesh Vs, will anything beat you posing in your pants? [Laughs.] You know what, posing in our pants on a boat was one of the worst things I’ve had to do. I’m not talking about suffering, I’m talking about the damage to your ego and how awkward it felt.
Also, it was little things that you might not have noticed, like just how much of me was touching Rob – do you know what I mean? I don’t know if that comes across, but the surface area of my body that was against the surface area of Rob’s body was so huge. It was just awful. There’s part of you that thinks, “I hope that this is not funny,” and that it’s not used, because it was so embarrassing. And then, not only does it get used, but it becomes the thing that everyone talks about. And you just think, “Oh, bloody hell.” It just sends a message to the producers that we need to find more humiliating moments like that. It’s f**king horrible.
What will you be doing this time? We went to South Africa for the cricket and we got involved in all aspects of the game, but also spent a bit of time going on safari and taking in the culture of South Africa. All I will say to you is [starts laughing] there is a section of that show that involves a rhino that has to be seen to be believed. I could not believe what we did. Rob Beckett’s behaviour and reaction to what’s going on is… that’s not television, that is Rob completely losing his mind! You’re always mean to Rob on the show. So, to redress the balance, tell us three nice things about him… Oh, Christ! Look, the truth is Rob is one of my best friends, but he is really f**king annoying. I know that’s not a nice thing to say, but I’m just getting that out there. He is deeply annoying. And you’ve got to remember that you’re seeing a shortened edit, I’m with him the entire time.
Three things… OK, a really nice thing about Rob is that he’s got a heart of gold. So, he would do anything for his mates, even to the point where when we hosted The Royal Variety Show, he said to me [starts laughing], “I know I get annoying, just tell me if I’m being annoying.” We came up with an annoying safe word, because he gets really excited about shit. What was it? I think it might’ve been “potato”, I can’t remember. It wasn’t for him getting annoying, it was more for him getting hyper. So, we’re backstage and Robbie Williams is there and he’ll be like [impersonates Rob’s voice], “F**k, what we doing? We’re on in five and Robbie Williams is on!” And I’d go, “Rob, Rob – potato! Just relax, chill out.” He’s very positive regardless of the circumstances, so that’s a good thing, isn’t it? And what’s the third thing? He’s got quite a good collection of football kits.
That’s rubbish! [Laughs.] No, genuinely, we started doing comedy at around the same time and he is one of my best friends. That’s the reason why we ended up doing the show – we just thought it would be a good thing for two mates to do together. But he has to be kept in check, because he’s fiercely excitable. Your wife Leesa has a crush on your A League Of Their Own co-star Jamie Redknapp. Have you introduced them or are you keeping them apart? Last year, we were all on holiday in the Algarve at the same time, so we met up for dinner. Jamie knows Leesa has a crush on him and Leesa knows Jamie knows. I’ve been very open about it, because to be honest, Jamie is better looking than me and probably a better prospect. So, unconditional love – if they got together, I’d be happy for both of them. Jamie enjoys messaging me and saying, “Say hello to Leesa,” and all that shit. Afterwards, Leesa was like, “God, he looks as good in the flesh as he does on TV, doesn’t he?” [Laughs.] I was like, “Yes, he does, Leesa – go f**k yourself!” James Corden noted last series that you’ve had a bit of a glow up. What’s going on? Look, the truth is, I had to have an intervention, because Leesa and my mum were saying I wasn’t making enough effort. All that happened is I started getting my hair cut more regularly and I started wearing clothes that fit me. I think when people think I’ve had a glow up, it’s just such a damning indictment of how I looked before, because now I just look like a normal bloke. So, what people are basically saying is, “You used to look shit!” So, there’s no extra maintenance? I’ve got into a habit of getting my hair cut every two weeks, but the lockdown has made that impossible. I can’t shave it off, because my head shape is awful. So, we bought clippers and last night, I Facetimed my barber and he directed Leesa through cutting my hair. It was a combination of him panicking, me panicking and Leesa telling us both off for shouting at her. How does it look? I’ll be honest, it doesn’t look as good as it normally looks – it definitely looks like someone less experienced has done it. And it took about two hours. But, on the plus side, it’s not looking out of control anymore. What about the beard? I did it myself, because Leesa doesn’t like my beard and I know what would happen. It would be the old, “Oh, whoopsie, I slipped, you’re going to have to shave it off” bullshit. I trust my wife with a lot of things, but not that. You once got an ex-girlfriend to tell your mum your GCSE results, because you were scared. Anything else you want to confess from the safety of the pages of heat? That’s a good idea. So, in my book, I wrote about this suit she bought me that was horrible and then she asked me about it, and I said, “I just said that for effect in the book.” And she said, “Have you worn the suit?” And I said, “Yeah, I have, it’s really good.” I would like to tell her that the suit is horrible, I have never worn it and nor will I. What does it look like? It’s bright blue with a pink sort of tartan. You talk about a glow up – my mum was attempting to glow me up. She started buying me aspirational stuff that she thought I should be wearing. It was a suit that I couldn’t imagine [Outkast rapper] Andre 3000 wearing. It’s so over the top, I don’t know what she was thinking, but she thinks I wear it – I told her I wear it to corporate events. I just hope she doesn’t read this, because she’s going to be really pissed off! ■
Rob & Romesh Vs is on Sky One and NOW TV, Tuesdays, 9pm. The Ranganation returns to BBC2 on Sunday 10 May, 9.15pm