LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
Why is there a double standard when women express themselves?
Girl, is you sucking me or f**king me or nah? Can I bring another bitch? Let’s have a threesome. Keep saying yous a freak, you gon’ prove it or nah?” These arresting lyrics are from the song Or Nah by Ty Dolla $ign, featuring Wiz Kalifah, The Weeknd and DJ Mustard. It was released in 2014 to little fanfare – it received generally positive reviews, went six times platinum in the US and reached a peak position of 12 in the US R&B charts.
But when Ariana Grande released her song 34+35 last October (the title a clear play on the “69” sex position) the headlines ran wild. The song was labelled “filthy” and “shocking”, and one headline read, “Ariana Grande goes into graphic detail about all-night romps with estate agent lover”. Aware of the potential shock value, the 27 year old (who is indeed engaged to an estate agent) even said at the time she was nervous to release the track, because she didn’t want it to “distract from the vulnerability and sweetness” of the rest of the album.
Meanwhile, Cardi B’s latest song, Up, has plenty of “parental advisory” explicit lyrics in it – unsurprising for the outspoken rapper – but it was her daring barely-there outfit choice for the video that made the news.
It’s clear that, as a society, we still have an issue with women being sexual. Whether it’s their “skimpy” outfits, “outrageous” song lyrics, or even just daring to speak about sex, women still seem to be unable to express their sexuality without criticism.
CERTIFIED FREAK
Yes, we know Cardi B can feels like an extreme example – we were all stunned into silence the first time we heard WAP. And while we’ve never looked at a bucket and a mop in the same way since, Cardi and collaborator Megan Thee Stallion’s unashamed sexuality in the video and in the track itself is still pretty ground breaking – even if you’re not a fan. The hysterical reaction to the song alone tells you that the world still struggles to accept women being sexually confident – especially when the listener is a conservative politician. After the song’s release, US Senate candidate James P Bradley tweeted, “Cardi B & Megan Thee
Stallion are what happens when children are raised without God and without a strong father figure. Their new ‘song’, The #WAP (which I heard accidentally), made me want to pour holy water in my ears and I feel sorry for future girls if this is their role model!”
We’ll brush over the fact that James is trying to claim he heard the song “accidentally”, but what his assessment of the track seems to scream is that it’s the lack of male influence that has let these ladies run wild. When, in fact, it’s clearly the influence of strong women who have helped Cardi and Megan put on this display of sexual power.
In response to the backlash,
Megan Thee Stallion told GQ, “Some people just don’t know what to do when a woman is in control and taking ownership of her own body. I feel like, for a long time, men felt like they owned sex and now women are saying, ‘Hey, this is for me. I want pleasure. This is how I want it or don’t want it’ – it freaks men the hell out.”
Think back to the reaction to Harry Styles’ Watermelon Sugar. After the video was released and the penny dropped that Harry was singing about oral sex, the singer was praised for his empowering song that celebrated the vagina with its not-so-subtle watermelon symbolism. And all of that is entirely true. He should be praised, it is empowering. But it’s also empowering when 27-year-old Ariana Grande tells the world how much she enjoys having sex with her fiancé. It’s not, “filthy”, “graphic” or even all that “shocking”.
And while we’re on our feminist high horse, you might want to ponder on Ariana’s duet with The Weeknd – Love Me Harder. We don’t need to tell you what it’s
‘Sex in pop is only OK if it’s for men’
about, it’s there in the title. But it seems we’re less offended by these raunchy numbers if there’s a man involved. By all means Ariana, tell The Weeknd you want him to love you harder, just don’t think you can sing naughty lyrics like that on your own, missy.
SEXIEST WHEN I’M CONFIDENT
There’s a whole other minefield waiting for female performers when it comes to how they dress their bodies, too. Little Mix fans will remember the powerful image of the four girls sitting together, naked, with insults scrawled all over their bodies to promote their single, Strip. When the image was released back in 2018, professional loudmouth Piers Morgan accused the girls of using their bodies to sell records. “If men do that, they’re arrested. If women do that, it’s empowering,” he ranted. “They’re stripping off to sell albums. Let’s just call it what it is. It’s not about feminist empowerment, it’s about ‘Let’s all get naked, everyone will run the pictures, we’ll sell more records.” That’s it. The rest of it is baloney.”
When Jesy Nelson called Piers a “silly twat” for his comments, he threw his toys out of the pram and insulted a selfie she had posted on Instagram, saying it looked like, “One of those grim pictures you get on those weird adult dating sites. The really cheap ones.” Piers then challenged Jesy to “come and say it to my face”. With grace and a whole dose of girl power, Little Mix used the exact clip of Piers daring the girls to confront him, interspersed with fans explaining how confident Little Mix songs made them feel, as an introduction to their song, Wasabi. Lyrics of the absolute banger include, “Love to hate me, praise me, shame me, either way you talk about me…”, and, “I’m glad to be your inspiration, Whose the topic of your conversation? I am. All the ugly things you say, come and say ’em to my face.”
CAN’T HOLD US DOWN
Of course, sex is not a new topic when it comes to female performers. Madonna was a trailblazer 30 years ago with her sexual lyrics and videos (she even published a photo book called SEX, featuring full-frontal nudity). The Spice Girls needed love like they’d never needed love before, and sang outright, “Wanna make love to ya, baby…” Christina Aguilera even tried to tell us what was going on in Can’t Hold Us Down. She sang, “If you look back in history, it’s a common double standard of society – the guy gets all the glory the more he can score, while the girl can do the same, yet you call her a whore…” We bopped to it as teens, but did we really listen to what Xtina was telling us? Sexuality in a pop song is only OK if it’s for male pleasure.
Some critics are terrified that young girls hearing these songs will grow up as overcharged nymphomaniacs, but is that not what we’ve been told for years to be by male musicians? Perhaps a generation raised on Little Mix and Ariana Grande, among other strong figures, will grow up empowered, emboldened, and knowing exactly what they want and how to get it.
So, “Take a deep breath and say it loud – never can, never will, can’t hold us down.”