Dominic Cummings and his Desert Island Discs
Apologies for missing two of the last three weeks but I went on a couple of trips to County Durham!
I thought a good long journey would ensure my vision was all right after not getting the telephonic eye test I missed out on a few weeks ago when anticipation became anti-climactic with a “keep taking the tablets” type call.
Sorry, I can’t keep up the pretence any longer; of course that’s all nonsense like one or two more explanations you might have heard or read recently!
The reason Dominic Cummings travelled north, I can reveal, was to get some peace to compile his list of choices should he be invited to be on “Desert Island Discs” now that he is a real celebrity. And I have that list.
Track one is “I Like Driving In My Car” by, very appropriately, Madness. Bearing in mind that the lockdown was at its height when he made his trip, the next two discs reflect how he viewed the travel guidelines, “My Way” and the Dave Dee etc hit “Bend It”. He wanted to avoid the Police but felt he next had to go for “Don’t Stand Too Close To Me” to show compliance with social distancing rules.
The rest of his choices echo the moment he had his first time in the spotlight when asked to give his version of events: “Rose Garden” the Lynn Anderson hit, “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word” (Elton John), “No Regrets” (Edith Piaf) and, of course “I Will Survive”!
Not only that, as the PM’s special adviser he thought he ought to make a few suggestions for Boris Johnson should he too be cast away, after all he seems to tell him everything else he does.
Sadly I don’t have the complete list but it would include “Puppet On A String”, “Stand By Your Man” and Rod Stewart’s “I Don’t Want To Talk About It”.
Place phrase
Before I leave Mr Cummings I’d like to share something I read about the tourist attraction in the town he visited.
In the book “English Proverbs and Proverbial Phrases” the local expression “Come, come! That’s Barney Castle” means a pathetic excuse which only makes things worse.
Mucous memory
First up in responding to my request for recollections of artists seen at The George Ballroom was regular correspondent David Abbott, going back to the time Dave Dee, Dozy, Mick and Titch came to town.
He emailed: “I remember Dave speaking into the microphone as he moved the back of his hand across his nose and remarking ‘Thought my nose was bleeding but it’s s-not.’ Yes snot.”
David added: “I told many a primary school pupil this joke and it usually evoked the response ‘Urr, ur.’” Precisely!!.
Cuckoo call
With David being a keen bird watcher I expected him to answer my other request for anyone who has or had heard the cuckoo but was disappointed and the only one I’ve heard was on “Springwatch”.
Anyone more local heard it?
Annoying advert
One of the TV ads that really annoys me at the moment is that for the cleaner-up of liquid spills.
After explaining how it works, a female voice over says: “It’s got three attachments, what does that mean?”
Has our education system reached the point where a woman reaches adulthood and has to question something so obvious or am I missing something?