Phil and Holly don’t shy away from hot potatoes
THE YEAR GETS TO GRIPS WITH LIFE IN THE BIG CITY
TODAY, I have learned silver haired presenter Phillip Schofield’s “mind has been blown”. I am concerned for the star – a “blown mind” could well scupper stardom.
In this troubled world, Phillip Schofield has hogged the headline limelight after being shown a new, quicker way to cook jacket potatoes.
I have seen a clip of the spud magic, performed by celebrity chef Phil Vickery and involving a tea spoon. I thought it clever – a “handy hack”, to use today’s computer speak. One of many handy hacks that are out there.
My mind remained unblown, my brain was not mashed. Perhaps I am, courtesy of 45 years as a journalist, made from sterner stuff than the This Morning host.
My mind is near blow-proof. I once spotted two worms who had entwined in a near perfect reef-knot.
I was sufficiently surprised to call over a neighbour to witness the strange scene, but I retained my mental faculties.
Nevertheless, Schofield’s fleeting cerebral meltdown has excited the media.
The Mirror blared: “Philip Schofield ‘mind blown’ by spoon trick.”
Our own digital edition, BirminghamLive, ran with: “Phillip Schofield in disbelief over trick to cooking jacket potato”. To illustrate the health crises, Schofield is shown clutching his temples.
Phillip Schofield is a man with form. Two weeks ago, the Daily Express informed readers he “grimaced” after tasting new potatoes on air.
The bombshell story carried noholds-barred quotes from Schofield and co-host Holly Willoughby.
Schofield: “It’s a funny tipping point with me. I adore new potatoes, I don’t like potato salad. I don’t like cold potatoes.”
“What?” gasped Holly.
“I don’t know why,” continued Phillip. “I think it’s because they are cold. I like warm potatoes. Is that wrong?”
What’s the great man’s take on cold rice pudding? That’s the question on the nation’s lips.
Phillip Schofield is a man who, for the sake of his mental health, needs to avoid spuds. Thank goodness I thought better of sending a picture to the programme of my misshapen potato that looks like Wayne Rooney.
Paramedics may have been needed.
Phil Vickery’s tip was clearly a step too far.
MY dad used to say, “as one door closes another opens”. Appalling carpenter HEARD about the skydiving flasher? He got done for descent exposure
The chef skewered each end of a potato with a metal teaspoon. The utensil acts as a heat conductor, drastically reducing oven cooking time. The trick/hack cannot be used for microwaves, he stressed.
The revelation inspired the kind of awe usually reserved for Biblical miracles.
The Mirror reported: “Stunned by how simple the tip was, Holly said, ‘no way?.’
“Phillip, on the other hand, said, ‘Oh wait a second’ as he gestured that he was mind-blown.”
I’m not sure what a “mind-blown” gesture is, but have visions of Schofield showing, with elaborate hand signals, that his grey matter was splattered on the polished table before them.
I am as old as water. I possess socks older than 60 per cent of the current newsroom. Therefore, I struggle to detect the news (dictionary definition, “newly received or noteworthy information, especially about recent events”) in many of the current online news stories.
I am wrong. The thousands of hits these strange tales receive tell me
that.
Today, Schofield’s spud shocker is topping the charts, but there are a raft of spurious tales in hot pursuit. Readers’ minds are currently being blown by: *WOMAN left in hysterics after mum accidentally fills out census incorrectly *WOMAN thought patio slabs at new home were brown – until she got pressure washer out *PEOPLE left in stitches after noticing X-rated pepperoni pizza design on Domino’s ad (PS: it looks like a penis)
*WOMAN says holding your keys to protect yourself could actually be dangerous
*MAN’S “life-changing” paper towel hack stops you from crying when chopping onions.
The phrase life-changing suggests an action that has dramatic, lasting consequences. Amputation is lifechanging. Winning the lottery jackpot is life-changing.
I was, however, a little underwhelmed by the onion revelation. “Apparently the acid in the onions is attracted to water which is usually in your tear ducts. Putting a wet towel on the board makes it go to that instead,” the Mirror reported.
It is, however, a “hack” and, thanks to a digital platform called TikTok, any DIY or culinary innovation is guaranteed a very large audience.
A staggering 830,000 have viewed the onion-tissue tip.
What, I wonder, would my eccentric uncle – a man who dedicated his life to inventing something society desperately needed, even if society was unaware it desperately needed it – have made of the excitement surrounding such lame eureka moments?
He invented powdered water, but couldn’t find anything to mix it with.
He used to tell me: “Never be afraid to attempt something new. Imagine what a berk the person who invented applause must’ve felt the first time he tested it.”
Today, we are too quick to bestow the label of “genius” on the bleedin’ obvious.
May I remind those who are too free and easy with the lofty status of my uncle’s words: “The man who invented the wheel wasn’t a genius. The man who invented the other three wheels – now there’s a genius.”
AN airline has said you need a vaccine in order to fly. That’s one hell of a side effect