The one-horse amateur

GILLIAN’S little, silver, 3.5-tonne two-horse lorry is her pride and joy. Like Gillian herself, it is immaculately clean and tidy. She doesn’t eat in it, and drinks only water, not coffee, in case it spills on the upholstery. When a friend opened the window and went to light a fag, Gillian nearly died of horror. She reluctantly allows Fürst Dazzlehof, her German dressage horse, a haynet on the way home from a competition, but Gillian brushes out every wisp and sprays the rubber mats with disinfectant after each use.

Her tack — which is cleaned while she waits for the scores — sits neatly in the locker, and every bucket, sponge and bandage has its place. She is terrified that someone will park too close and let their side-ramp down on to it with a bang.