By George, it’s always cool to have a beard I

SAW a picture of George Clooney and thought it was time I became a grown up. After all, I’ve been a hippy most of my life with long hair, beard and, for many years, beads around my neck.

Then it was cool, man. But now? At my age?

Perhaps I could gorgeous George?

The beard, I had decided, was here for the duration, but Mr Clooney still looked elegant with trimmed whiskers and hair that was full but neat.

So I invested in a new Braun beard trimmer to ensure my hirsutism did not burst from my throat and over my shirtcollar like a wire-haired terrier intent on escape. Beards, after all, are manly and, it seems, always have been.

The Age of the Beard exhibition at the Florence Nightingale Museum in London makes the point.

It is being staged in collaboration with beard historian Dr Alun Withey, who said: “At various points in history, being unable to grow a beard has certainly been severely stigmatised.

“In Tudor and Stuart Britain, beardlessness was a state connected with either immaturity or effeminacy ... in the 18th century, although most men were clean-shaven, the ability to grow a beard was still a vital element of masculinity ... in Victorian Britain, at the height of the beard movement, beardless men were again subject to suspicion.”

Quite right, too. I’ve always suspect chaps with clean chins are up to something.

All I needed to do now was visit Tracy’s hair salon in Honley and get my hair cut to the appropriate length.

“I’ve decided I want to look grown up,” I told Tracy.

She seemed dubious as if this might be impossible and I thought it best not to mention my new life as George Clooney.

Tracy did a brilliant job on my hair and my hippyness fell to the floor. Unfortunately, I could see in the mirror that while I had attained a kind of respectability, I still looked nothing like George.

The delightful Amal would not be confused and I would never attract the attention of beautiful models wanting the last Nespresso.

Ah well, it was a good idea while it lasted and I’ve already started growing my hair.

It should be about the right