My lookalike is Liam! Who is your match? E

LET’S make this a pun day:

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu: The same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

A lot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. XPERTS say everybody has seven other people somewhere in the world who look just like them. Which is a scary thought when you consider there are seven other Donald Trumps out there, with a doppelganger Nigel Farage as his best friend. Watch out world. And what about the seven David Beckhams who never made the first team? Do they have tattoos and children named after the place of their conception?

Like Birmingham and Ford Fiesta?

The world is a small place and, if we go far enough back, many of us will be related through a tribal connection or a Viking raid. Our genes will be a mix of history. Searching the internet for your own lookalike is now a social pastime. Websites invite you to load your picture to see if there is someone just like you in another part of the country or the world.

It’s a fascinating subject which is why Channel 4 are hosting the hour-long documentary Finding My Twin Stranger tomorrow at 10pm, in which Professor Tim Spector, of the Twin Research Unit at St Thomas’s Hospital, London, investigates the similarities of seven pairs of identical strangers.

In the interest of research, I went online to try to find a complete stranger who was as devastatingly good looking as me and, not surprisingly, failed.

Perhaps I missed the section for grumpy old men past their best. So I tested the waters of celebrity lookalikes and one site said me and John Ratzenberger were 53% compatible. This was the actor famous as Cliff who propped up the bar in Cheers, so there is a certain affinity.

My ego was less than satisfied, so I posted a younger clean-shaven picture and got a 93% match with, believe it or not, Liam Neeson, who is 6ft 3.

Which suggests that if I’d been nine inches taller I could have been a contender. And, being an equal opportunity husband, I posted a younger photograph of my wife Maria and she got a close match with 60s icon Sandie Shaw.

As they say, a change is as good as a rest. For the rest of this year, me and the wife will be Liam and Sandie.