Christmas ?

It’s a funny thing, but sometimes the times when you feel that you should be happy are the hardest to bear. That’s why Christmas and all that goes with it can be an especially difficult time for couples whose relationships are under strain. But don’t despair if you are one of those people who are secretly afraid that the Christmas period is something that you are going to have to survive rather than enjoy. Things can get better and they often do. And Relate is always here to help. In the meanwhile, what can you do to help yourself and your loved ones have a happy and tranquil Christmas rather than go through the usual rows and hurts that tend to crop up when you are shut up together for long days on end with nothing but old movies on the TV and all that cooking and eating and washing up? Well, firstly, you must talk. If you live with your partner, don’t just sit there on opposite sides of the sofa lost in your own private on-line worlds. Turn off the phones. Turn off the TV, the tablets, the game machines. When you first got together you probably made each other laugh, you always wanted to know what your partner was feeling and thinking, you loved spending time together. You can get that back. You really can. But you can’t do it without talking, without making some space for each other. Secondly, try and do a bit of planning and sharing. Sharing stuff is as important as talking; and sometimes if talking is difficult, sharing is better than talking. Share making the Christmas dinner so that one of you isn’t completely exhausted and worn to a frazzle by 4pm on Christmas day. Share looking after the kids and get them talking too. Play real games in a real room all together. Pretend it’s 1935 and play cards and monopoly. Go for a long walk together. If it snows, go sledging or make snowmen. Making relationships work isn’t rocket science. Yes our counsellors have to do several years training and they have to learn a lot about the human condition and what makes us tick. But in the end most people who come to Relate for help have simply stopped talking to each other. Gradually, little walls have grown into bigger walls and you need someone to help you knock those walls down and rediscover the person you fell in love with. So here’s our Christmas gift to you. The gift of communication, of talking, of sharing. It can be a wonderful thing. You can do it, you really can.