Who’ll crow loudest in Year of Rooster?

SOOTHSAYERS claim they can see into the future.

I don’t like to brag, well, not more than I can get away with, but I think I have their gift in reverse.

I can see into the past, which enables Olde Routledge, the sage of Railway Terrace, to make an educated guess about events in 2017. The Chinese Year of the Rooster, starting on 28 January, is supposed to be a quiet time.

But it starts calamitously for Jeremy Corbyn, after Unite union leader Len McCluskey says the Labour leader might stand down because of “awful” poll ratings.

Labour goes on to lose Copeland constituency in Cumbria to the Tories, the third by-election disaster in a row for Jittery Jezza.

But the embarrassment is soon forgotten in a political storm over massive energy price hikes that clobber Mrs May’s “just about managing” families.

It gets worse. Higher prices at the petrol pump, and higher prices in the shops, a trend made worse by the weaker pound. Inflation overtakes wage increases, and the house price surge slows. Not-so-Teflon Theresa hits a nasty patch over her in-out-what’s-it-allabout Brexit strategy. She just about manages to meet her 30 March deadline for an Article 50 pull-out from the EU, but fails to satisfy critics in her own party and in the country. Anger over Philip Hammond’s second austerity Budget merges with popular discontent over job insecurity, the slow pace of Brexit and Mrs May’s haughty style of government to produce more strikes and street protests. Unrest in Britain’s jails worsens. With the advent of Wimbledon, people look to Sir Andy Murray to lift the national mood of depression by successfully defending his singles title. They look in vain, as mumbling Murray crashes out before the final to a younger, more success-hungry rival from one of the “new” tennis nations. General Elections in France, Germany, the Netherlands and possibly Italy plunge the Eurozone into a fresh crisis, with so-called “populist” parties making big headway.

In the USA, President Donald “Make America Hate Again” Trump declares a trade war with China, Mexico and anywhere else whose name he can remember. Vladimir Putin gives him a medal.

In the autumn, Mrs May comes under intense pressure at her party conferences, with public support haemorrhaging.

The Tories consider calling a general election, but “do a Gordon” and back down in the face of discouraging opinion polls.

By the end of the year, the UK is embroiled in ferocious diplomatic war with the rest of Europe over the terms of withdrawal. Many EU migrants, fearful of their future here, begin to leave.

Dr Liam Fox, the mouthy minister for international trade, is the first Brexiteer to exit the Cabinet, after incurring the wrath of Number 10.

It snows on Christmas Day, and the bookies commit collective hara-kiri after losing millions.

One way and another, the Year of the Rooster fails to live up to expectations of a quiet life.

There’s always 2018 to look forward to – the Year of the Dog but by then we’ll all be driven barking mad by events. DAVID Cameron (remember him?) is being touted as the next head of Nato, the military alliance. Portly Dave last saw action on the playing fields of Eton, though he did don a flak jacket for the cameras after “liberating” Libya with disastrous consequences. Still, Secretary-General on £220,00 a year, tax free, is nowt to be sniffed at, even if you’re a millionaire already. Steady the Buffs!