Feeling woolly? Sheep could help you relax

HOLIDAY firm Monarch listed places in Europe with unfortunate names that include Rottenegg in Austria, El Moron in Spain, Piles in Spain, Windpassing in Austria and Bidet in France. “Where did you go for your holidays?” “We had two weeks in Bidet. Nice place but a bit wet.”

But European names can’t compete with America, that has Slaughterville in Oklahoma, Satans Kingdom in Massachusetts, Accident in Maryland and Dogtown in Alabama.

And wait, there’s more: Embarrass in Minnesota, Imalone in Wisconsin, Intercourse in Pennsylvania, Mosquitoville in Vermont, Okay in Oklahoma, Pie Town in New Mexico, Rough and Ready in California, Toast in Carolina, Uncertain in Texas, Whynot in North Carolina and Hell in Michigan.

Let us also take pride in Britain. We have an even better collection of quirky names and most of ours come with a touch of class. Here’s a selection, without resorting to any of the downright vulgar: RESEARCH at Coventry University says meditation alters the activity of genes to help ease stress and depression.

It’s a technique that has been used by religions and philosophies throughout history, but you no longer need to visit an ashram or retreat for guidance.

These days, you can download an app on to your smartphone to bring “clarity, joy and peace to your daily life”. Apparently.

So of course I tried a couple of free samples. The first provided relaxing music until disrupted by an annoying female American voice. The second had the smug male upper-class English voice whose owner deserves a smack.

I learned Transcendental Meditation 40 years ago and met Maharishi Mahesh Yogi who taught the Beatles.

Two 20-minute periods a day reciting a mantra to ease away stress. It worked. Trouble was, managing to set aside two 20 minute periods with the demands of work and family.

Over the years I have often returned to TM and found it worked in short bursts if I needed to relax.

I still use it from time to time, in stressful situations, to ease the mind, when I visit the dentist or prepare my tax returns.

Others say music, jogging or long

Loose Bottom, Slackbottom, Ramsbottom, Broadbottom, Curry Mallet, Matching Tye, Nasty, Great Snoring, Barton in the Beans, Jump, Blubberhouses, Wetwang, Giggleswick and Crackpot.

And wait, there’s more: Pity Me, Dull, Lost, Brokenwind, Sodom, Knockerdown, Crapstone, Piddle, Pucklechurch, Nomansland, Nether Wallop, Bishop’s Itchington, Ugley and Nasty. Even our own Penistone can cause amusement if pronounced incorrectly.

And let us not forget Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch in Wales which, with 58 letters, is the longest name in Great Britain and which translates as: “St Mary’s Church in the Hollow of the White Hazel Near to the Rapid Whirlpool of Llantysilio of the Red Cave.” Or you could just say LlanfairPG. Dull in Scotland is enterprisingly twinned with Boring in Oregon. Now if only Beer in Devon and Droop in Dorset could get together ... walks in the country help them.

But how about sheep? Calm, one of the foremost meditation app providers, is to release a film next month called Baa Baa Land, which shows sheep grazing in a field for eight hours. They are hoping people will flock to it.

Of course, it could be that people start counting the sheep and find it so relaxing they fall asleep and wake up at the end wondering what they missed.

“What happened to the big black one?” “Sausages.” “And the little lively one?” “Lamb chops.” Which might be a reality upon which it is best not to ponder for anyone searching for mindfulness and stress relief.