Enigma of the time spent on the throne W

HEN I read that Brits spend an average of three hours and nine minutes on the loo each week, I thought: what on earth can they be doing? Apart from the obvious, I mean. That’s 27 minutes a day locked in the smallest room in the house.

It used to be the place fathers went with the daily paper to escape a rowdy family. Or where you could find peace and quiet to read your book.

“Have you died in there? There’s other people with bladders out here, you know.”

Or, more likely, these days, young ladies are sitting in splendid isolation posting selfies on social media and saying: “Having a great time. Bet you wish you were here,” whilst pretending to be in a bar in Benidorm or Barnsley.

One reason could be the number of people who have dropped their phone down the loo and are struggling to fish it out again.

Believe it or not, 60% say they’ve used their mobile in the lavatory, 43% do so on a regular basis and as many as 20% have dropped it down the pan.

“Are you still there, Fiona? All I can hear are bubbles.”

If this happens, can the phone be saved? And would you want it that close to your lips and ear again?

Best advice, according to the experts is, once retrieved, to switch it off, dismantle it, pat it dry with a paper towel and leave it for 24 hours.

Do not use a hair-dryer, nor bury it in rice in the hope it rises again like Lazarus or a pudding. Put it back together and if it doesn’t work take it to your mobile centre for the last rites and a trade-in.

The loo statistics come from a UK activepoll which found we spend longer on the bog than we do exercising.

Idleness kills 37,000 a year, they say. Professor Sir Muir Gray of the NHS says: “Physical inactivity is society’s silent killer.”

They recommend 150 minutes a week of

Have you died in there? There’s other people with bladders out here, you know

moderate exercise.

This need not necessarily cut down on the nation’s passion for the loo.

Pick a lavatory that’s a 15-minute walk away and you’ll be able to sit in peace as well as being healthy.

“Hello, Ashley? Is it okay if I walk round and use your lav?”

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