Hold the front page - and mine’s a pint!

thumb, which was confusing. The only times I’d fired a gun I had used a finger.

Apparently it was caused by inflamed tendons, affected my right hand and meant I couldn’t hold a pen which is a little detrimental for a journalist.

It also meant I couldn’t use my right hand for very much at all and had to learn to use my left for essential functions.

And this certainly confused people when shaking hands and they wondered if I was a member of a secret society.

Happily, the thumb cured itself I once went to my GP and told him I was suffering from RSI.

“I use a keyboard a lot,” I said, to which he smiled and said: “Ah, a musician?” “No,” I said. “A journalist.” His interest appeared to wane. Unsolicited telephone calls have offered everything from new boilers to guttering, including advice on industrial injury.

“Did you work in a factory? Have you had problems with your hearing?” “Pardon?” I would say. Eventually they got fed up and didn’t call back.

But never once did I get an enquiry about Repetitive Strain Injury, let alone Obsessive News Infusion.

These days I get pains in my right arm while simply holding a pint, so I’m finally taking RSI seriously.

I have again gone ambidextrous with my computer and use my mouse left handed. As Ken Dodd used to say: “They can’t touch you for it.”

So if we ever meet for the first time don’t be confused by my left handed shake or my personal recommendation of Al Jazeerah or despair at the quality of Prime Minister’s Questions.

Have sympathy and buy me a pint. After all, I’m industrially damaged.