GRIEVING FATHERS NEED OUR HELP TOO

ON the back of the findings, the charity has launched a campaign called Dads Matter Too, to help highlight the issue and ensure men who experience the loss of a baby also have access to the information, advice and support they need.

“Men can often be sidelined, and we’re trying to change this,” says Andy Clark-Coates, co-founder of the Mariposa Trust, who has lost five babies. “Men often grieve differently to women, focusing primarily on their wife or partner who’s going through the physical act of loss, before they consider their own emotions. The right support from family, friends and colleagues is vital in allowing men to grieve fully, which in turn can help improve relationships and mental health.”

Provide practical support. When people go through loss, the last thing they think about is things like cooking, for instance.

Take round some prepared meals that they only have to warm. If they have other children, perhaps you could do the school runs. Try to think of ways to make life easier without imposing yourself on them.

Grief is an ongoing journey, and often comes in waves. Some days will be better than others, sometimes things can seem quite settled, and then people are hit by another wave of grief.

This is normal, so just stand alongside grieving dads through these times.

It’s easy to see a father who’s had to go back to work following the loss of his baby and think he’s fine. But Andy warns that just because someone has to carry on with life doesn’t mean they’re OK, or they’ve come to terms with their loss. Grieving is unique to each person, and it may take weeks, months or even years for a father to come to terms with his loss. Comments like, ‘At least you know you can get pregnant’, and, ‘At least the baby’s in a better place’, don’t help at all, says Andy, who points out that no one knows if they can ever get pregnant again, and that parents will always want their child