Meet the ancestors

DON’T leave it until the last minute to get that all important present for Valentine’s Day on Wednesday.

To be honest, I’d forgotten about the occasion until I got a shock wandering round a town centre store with my wife, came round a display of ladies winceyette pyjamas to be confronted by a mannequin in red Basque, suspenders and stockings.

It was one of those eureka moments. Valentine’s Day!

When young ladies’ thoughts turn to love, romance, chocolates and flowers and young men’s turn to red underwear.

Spending on Valentine’s Day is this year expected to top £650 million, according to retail analyst Mintel, with most cash being splashed from the age range of 28 to 37.

Women are likely to spend an average of £44 while blokes are more generous on £72, but then lingerie is expensive.

Top outlay will be an estimated £128m on a romantic meal at home, as long as couples can get the kids to go to bed early and stay there or persuade grandma to babysit.

Ah yes, those evenings of low lights, chicken Kiev for two and a bottle of wine.

When did they change into a couple of pints and a takeaway curry?

What to buy for your loved one can be stressful and everyone and his dog seems to have been publishing guides.

I saw one that suggested the top gift for the man in your life should be a cheese. Fifth was also cheese and I began to suspect this list really had been compiled by one man and his dog - Wallace and Gromit.

If you fail miserably on Wednesday you could always make amends during National Chip Week that starts on March 20.

Share a bag of everyone’s favourite food, hot from the pan, and use the rhyme from my early teen years to woo your young lady: “I buy a bag of chips, I kiss your greasy lips” to affirm undying love and fidelity.

Cheap and simple.