Football team helps dads deal with loss of a child
THE devastating pain of losing a baby, often before it’s even born, was overlooked for generations.
It seems bizarre now but victims often felt shame and suffered in silence as babies were buried in unmarked graves and forgotten by all except grief stricken parents.
In recent decades, thankfully, women have been encouraged to
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But while progress has been made for mums, dads have often felt excluded from the conversa
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your complaint is not successful you can refer it to the Financial Ombudsman Service for free. tion and left to deal with pain alone, some not even able to talk to their wives or partners about their anguish.
Now amid the movement to get men talking about their feelings, a new group for dads affected by baby loss has been founded in Huddersfield.
Being men they have turned to man’s number one religion as a solace to help their grief – football.
The Sands United FC Huddersfield football team played its first game last weekend just days after founder Alex Walmsley, 33, welcomed his second child into the world following several years of heartbreak.
Alex and his wife Olivia lost three babies to miscarriage during 2017 and 2018.
They finally found joy when baby Toby was born last Wednesday, more than six years after their first son Isaac arrived.
On Sunday, Alex met up with a host of other men who had suffered similar grief but had nowhere to turn.
He said: “I didn’t feel like there was anywhere for men to talk, it was all for women – but we’ve got to look after men in this situation as it’s their child too.”
The group held a minute’s silence before their first kick-about at Soccer City in Waterloo and some shared their tragic stories of loss.
For anyone, thinking about joining in the future, Alex said there is no pressure to reveal your own story.
“You can just come and play football with a group of men who’ve had the same experiences and not say a word,” he said.
“There’s no need for you to share your story if you don’t want to.
“We’re just creating a bond. It’s nice to be out there with other lads who just get it, create some solidarity and bring people together.”
Sands United FC clubs are launching all over the country in association with the stillbirth and neonatal death charity ‘Sands,’ after the first was found in Northampton by Rob Allen in 2017.
Teams commemorate their babies’ all too brief lives by proudly displaying their names on the kit worn for every match.
And each team member helps make a difference by raising vital funds to help Sands achieve its vision of a world where fewer babies die, and when a baby does die, anyone affected receives the best possible care and support for as long as it’s needed.
Alex said he had taken the steps to launch the group now after taking almost two years to get his head straight.
“I needed something to help me process what I thought had gone on,” he said.
“I needed to give focus to the grief. “Hopefully that’s what this will do for the other guys.”
The group isn’t just for people with recent grief. One member lost a child 20 years ago and has come on board as a non-playing assistant.
Alex, who hails from Heckmondwike, has also been liaising with men’s mental health group Andy’s Man’s Club and there are talks under way about linking up with the charity.
The football team are due to meet most Sundays and have ambitions of joining a local league.
To find out more visit their Facebook page.
Jen Coates, Director of Bereavement Support and Volunteering at Sands, said: “Sands United FC is an amazing way to bring bereaved dads together and gives them a chance to reach out to support each other while doing something they love.
“It’s fantastic that bereaved dads in Huddersfield have got together to form a new Sands United FC.
“Bereaved parents tell us that it is hugely beneficial to meet with other parents who have been through similar experiences for peer to peer support, as well as accessing our other bereavement support services.
“Sands United is an important addition to the wide range of bereavement support services we provide.”