‘Talking about my depression has saved my life’
WITH his professional rugby league career slipping away, Brett Barlow thought about ending it all.
The 22-year-old Super League prospect, who had played for Bradford Bulls and sparked the interest of Castleford Tigers, got as far as sitting on a bridge ready to jump after injury wrecked his lifelong ambition to make it at the top of the brutal sport.
With his family having a rich rugby league history - his grandfather Bill Barlow had won the Challenge Cup final with Fartown, now the Huddersfield Giants, and his brother and uncle also played for professional clubs Dewsbury and Batley - the pressure to make it was intense.
Brett played on for Coventry Bears despite a nasty ankle problem but the pain became too much and he could take no more.
Deeply depressed, he turned to cannabis and it wasn’t too long before he thought about taking his own life.
Now 23 and in the wake of the recent sudden death of Super League star Jordan Cox, Brett has decided to speak out to encourage others to try and treat their mental ill health.
He has called for more men to open up about their depression, especially with many people struggling amid almost two months of coronavirus lockdown.
Brett, who hails from Ossett, said the relief he felt when he finally walked through the door at popular support group Andy’s Man Club, had been incredible.
“The first time I didn’t make it inside,” he admitted.
“It took me two or three weeks to get through the door but as soon as I did I felt such relief.
“They made me feel really welcome, there was no pressure at all, it felt so comfortable.
“When I walked out after, I felt 1,000 times lighter.”
Brett wants his experience to encourage others as he admits he kept his dark thoughts secret from all his family.
The first they knew of his deep depression was when they read his story in the Wakefield Express.
“No one ever knew,” he said. “They didn’t have a clue. I went to the paper as that was the only way I could get it out.”
Brett had been to see his GP but he felt fobbed off when the doctor just offered him anti-depressants.
He persuaded the doctor to get him talking therapy and after more than a year of sessions he says he now feels 80% and ready to get on with his life.
“I knew deep down something was wrong,” he said. “I wouldn’t speak to anyone and I stopped going out. When people asked me if I was alright I was lying to them.
“I was hurting inside but I couldn’t let it out.
“In the end I figured out what I had to do. If I didn’t I was going to die.
“One day I just woke up and I thought, that’s it, I’ve got to do something today.”