Don’t worry, be appy to enjoy a longer life

YOU can get an app on your smartphone for everything, these days: newspapers, books, cardiograph, karaoke, learn languages, weather forecasts, diets, dating and a photo lab that can turn a middle aged fump of either sex into drop dead gorgeous, also of either sex.

Yes, there is one that changes gender and shows you what Leonard would look like as Leonora. And Leonard, I have to say, looked lovely. Now we go one step beyond with a Life Expectancy app that has been developed by using Office of National Statistics records and cardiovascular disease and statins data from the University of East Anglia.

The idea behind it is to help GPs persuade patients to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

I tried to log on to check how much longer I might have before someone shuffles off this mortal coil, but my computer wouldn’t connect. Maybe the app thinks I’m already dead? And me, with a new lease of life after my recent operation.

Never mind, there is plenty of other information online. Wikipedia provided United Nations figures that show the UK average lifespan to be 83 for women and 79.5 for men, which means I have one month left. So I tried elsewhere for reassurance on websites where I provided crucial details about past illnesses, smoking, drinking, how long my parents lived, happiness level (apparently being happy helps you live longer) and if I had any terminal condition apart from life.

Aviva Insurance said I was good to go until 91, Confused. com suggested 90 and an optimistic American insurance company estimated 94. The Office of National Statistics has its own system which offers odds on survival, a bit like my pal Tight Tony the bookie might give at Haydock for the 2.30.

It said my Life Expectancy was 88 but I was 4-1 to make 92, 10-1 to reach 96 and 65-1 to get to 100.

Wonder if it’s worth a bet with Tony?