ABOUT HOW HE’S COPED WITH THE DEATH OF HIS PARTNER AND HIS PLANS FOR MOVING ON

HE Reverend Richard Coles is among our most recognisable clergymen – a former pop star, Strictly Come Dancing contestant, perennial game show guest and genial Radio 4 presenter.

But amid the TV and radio appearances, the luncheon and public speaking circuit and, of course, his work as a vicar in Finedon, Northamptonshire, Rev Coles, 59, has been grieving the loss of his partner David, who died from alcohol addiction aged 43 just over a year ago.

Rev Coles has just published The Madness Of Grief, his account of David’s death and the aftermath, interspersed with anecdotes of their life together and his subsequent journey of grief, the ‘sadmin’ he had to complete with regards to the funeral and other elements of the bureaucracy of death, as he tried to tie up loose ends and navigate life without his partner of 12 years.

“I wanted to record what was happening to me when I was in the thick of it. I felt a bit like a war correspondent standing on a street corner when there were bombs going off,” he recalls.

“It’s been tough,” he continues. “The first lockdown was okay, because being at home and not being busy was good for me. But the third lockdown was really tough, so I’m seeing a bereavement counsellor, which feels like the right time.”

The title of the book reflects the effect grief has had on him, he explains. “Grief is mad. On the day that David died I went to the shop to get bread and milk and came out with three kinds of Parmesan. I was going through life not thinking things through. Your life is all over the place.”

This is the first time Rev Coles has revealed publicly that David, 43, a former A&E nurse and fellow vicar – he later lost his vicar’s licence – died from alcohol addiction, even though people who knew him had known he was an alcoholic for some time.

“It’s not the kind of thing you can keep from people. Also, there’s a conspiracy of silence around someone who has an addiction, which is fatal.”

David would have hated him talking about it, though, he notes. “Like most people who have an addiction, he would have done anything to keep the knowledge of his addiction away from himself as well as everybody else. He wasn’t good at facing up to the reality of his drinking.”

At its worst, David’s drinking made their social life practically impossible. He could become obnoxious – on one occasion the police became involved – and Rev Coles would find him passed out surrounded by broken glass, the dogs desperate to be fed and let out.

Rev Coles says he really tried to get David to seek help, but to no avail. “In fairness, he did try, but he couldn’t stop. He changed the way he drank when he realised his absolutely crazy drinking was unbearable. But he also realised I would stick with him. So he didn’t get crazy

Rev Coles and GMB’s Charlotte Hawkins at the 2017 Strictly launch

David, who died after struggles with alcohol addiction