DENIS KILCOMMONS I’m no Michael Jordan but I’ll take £1k for my Slazenger trainers

APAIR of worn trainers belonging to American basketball player Michael Jordan has been sold for a tad over £1 million by Sotheby’s in Las Vegas. By heck, missus, but that seems like an easy way to raise cash. I’ve heard of Gumtree, but this takes it up a notch.

Which is why I have put up a pair of my old Slazenger trainers for sale in the hope I might raise a few quid to help soften the blow of old age, poverty and a bad leg.

Michael’s shoes were red and white Nike Air Ships, presumably to imply they can help a chap jump although, at six feet six, he had a head start.

Nike shoes retail from £100 to £359. Those with the Jordan brand name can bring up to £1,500 from collectors.

My Slazengers are black and white and cost £21.99 from Sports Direct and are extremely comfortable. I even wore them whilst playing for Manchester United against Real Madrid, although I confess that was a game staged in the back garden of the Donegal home of my grandsons Lorcan and Ruauri. We won 9-0.

The trainers have shared hours sitting at a desk with me, creating this column, plus writing 100,000 word novels that have so far failed to bring home the mother lode. I am hoping the blood, sweat and tears (well, sweat) with which they are imbued, as well as a modicum of leaked inspiration, may attract a healthy auction to help me afford a new duvet against the chill nights, as well as other small luxuries, such as a £57,000 Volvo electric SUV in red. To be fair,

Michael can jump higher than me and he is famous, but mine would be the perfect ironic present bought by someone with more money than sense. “You know how much Michael Jordan’s old trainers went for? Well I’ve got you a pair that belonged to a bloke from Huddersfield. Happy 21st, son.”

My shoes have had only one change in laces since new, and I’m hoping their value will not depend upon length: Michael takes a size 13, mine are a seven. Still, half a million pounds would be better than nothing. Bids to start at £1,000 ono. Any takers?