Life with the twins is simply a rather long

It was the idea of unlimited sausages for breakfast at our hotel, which captivated the twins, rather than a trip to Peppa

Pig World.

I’d explained a hotel breakfast buffet and it occurred to me we could have saved the expense and hassle of a trip and simply bought a massive pack of sausages from the supermarket.

It was a nice example of how you can’t really predict anything and echoed the familiar times when you buy them a toy and watch as they play endlessly with the cardboard box.

Once at the hotel the second revelation emerged – our rooms were connected by a door, so they had their own space and a bathroom, which brought out the territorial side in

Emma, who shouted at me for filling up the kettle from her tap then informed me I wasn’t allowed to use her toilet.

As they hid in cupboards, jumped from beds, and tried out the shower, I queried the last-minute cost of a single room at the other side of a hotel. Then the third revelation emerged – sharing a space with two four-year-olds involved sitting in darkened silence for hours waiting for them to sleep, as any noise or movement started them up again.

As a result, I offered to retrieve shoes from the car, via the hotel bar where there was light and conversation which ended awkwardly, when I left my key at the bar, next to a woman and took a room key, left by an earlier customer.

I innocently attempted a joke involving swapping rooms with my twin children, but the humour was lost amid the confusion, as the businesswoman thought I was suggesting something entirely inappropriate.

I returned to what looked like a warzone, but they were asleep and It