Forced to ask abusive ex for permission to use the toilet
MUM SPEAKS OUT TO HELP OTHERS
A HULL mum has revealed how she was forced to ask her abusive expartner for his permission to use the toilet as part of his sickening control.
Jennifer Gilmour, 33, was gaslighted and verbally manipulated by her former partner, who isolated her from her loved ones.
Her tormentor appeared to be “charming and the perfect gentleman” before becoming jealous and questioning Jennifer’s sanity.
Now, a mum-of-three and happily married, Jennifer has completely turned her life around, becoming a popular blogger and author.
She also uses her personal experience to help others escape abusive relationships.
Jennifer has also revealed how her ex’s emotional abuse left her feeling worthless and frightened to leave.
Jennifer recalls how her former partner controlled her so much that she would have to ask for permission to use the bathroom, often for him to refuse.
He also became physically abusive towards her and would lock her in her house and stop her from going to sleep.
Jennifer said: “At first I didn’t see the signs that he was an abuser, as what he did was so subtle and simple.
“He first started by isolating me from my friends when I told him I was going out with them. He used to tell me that he thought we were meant to be going out that night, or said he wanted to spend time with me and could I rearrange.
“I didn’t return to Hull for two years as he refused to let me. He used to alter reality all the time and leave me questioning myself after he did something or acted in a certain way, and made me blame myself about what happened.
“He even made me question my sanity and told me I had bipolar, even though I know that
I’ve got no mental health problems. It was all about control all the time – he didn’t even like me working as I could mix with my colleagues.”
After years of abuse in the horrifying relationship, Jennifer finally managed to escape her abuser after a friend reached out.
The friend, who would later become her husband, provided her with support, both emotionally and financially, so Jennifer and her three children were safe.
At this point Jennifer didn’t realise she had been a victim of an extremely toxic relationship until she went on a Hull DAP domestic abuse awareness course.
Despite being safe, it was hard for Jennifer to adapt to new life. She would continue to ask people if she could do mundane tasks, including if she could go to the toilet.
Rob Gilmour, who supported
Jennifer during her darkest times, sparked a connection with the mum and the pair fell in love.
Happy and head over heels in love eight years on, Jennifer said: “Rob is my knight in shining armour.
“Not only did he give up his life and move across the country to make sure I was safe and could have a roof over my kids and my head, but he has never given up on me.
“He doesn’t have it easy, but he is my answer. He is 100 per cent
invested in everything I do and we do everything together.”
Jennifer is now a lifestyle blogger and author, who often shares parenting tips, as well as fun things to do with the whole family as well as fun date nights.
The mum says despite living a happy and fulfilled life now, she can’t help but think about all the women who are still facing abuse on a daily basis.
The supporter of the National Centre of Domestic Violence (NCDV), recently represented Hull in a national conference in Cambridge, discussing domestic abuse.
Jennifer said: “I spoke on stage about my own experiences. I talked about the signs before the red flags, the subtle signs. I believe these have now been labelled pink flags.
“With new relationships it can take some time to see the red flag. It is important to educate younger children on this through friendships first.”
Jennifer is now preparing for the launch of her very own children’s book, which will be rolled out into schools across the UK to educate children about relationships.