BULLSEYE!

No other scene in soap this year has made us punch the air so jubilantly as when Nathan and his vile cronies were declared ‘GUILTY!’, ‘GUILTY!’ and ‘GUILTY!’ for their sick treatment of Bethany. Meanwhile, Lucy Fallon flew the flag for survivors everywhere with a stunning and surely award-winning performance. A truly amazing young actress. These two relationships were sealed at the very moment all hell broke loose at Moira’s farm. That can only mean one thing… they’re all doomed! The only thing that would have made this scene more perfect was if ghost James had suddenly appeared behind Emma, and flung his arms out to the sound of the Titanic soundtrack. It was hard to take Craig seriously when he was being addressed in court as Special Officer Tinker. Like something out of a Carry On film. Ben must have had a somekind-of-wonderful encounter with Luke, given that he chose to sleep on the floor of the Arches for a whole night rather than pop home straight after – y’know – doing it. Hats off to the scriptwriters for dreaming up Moira’s shooting trip – just so she would ditch her overalls in favour of a more childbirth-friendly skirt! New TV show idea: Ghost Driving School. Where the dearly departed pop back to teach proper clutch control. Given how long we’ve waited for Keanu to get his kit off, it was awfully cruel of Eastenders not to move the camera just another, erm, six inches. Is Seb’s mum Abi actually just Toyah Battersby in a blonde wig? We had to do a double take! Phelan, the police – Interpol even! – have all been searching for scam artist Vinny for months. Daniel posts a few leaflets through a few doors and tracks him down in five minutes flat. Fancy that! Walford schemer Luke is our new favourite. He has us feeling giddy and cringing at the same time. He’s welcome to stick around long after James Willmottbrown is done with his silly plan.