Our hero of the week was Emmerdale’s Tracy, for speaking so publicly and bravely about her past life as a prostitute, and for not taking any more of David’s self-serving, victim-blaming nonsense. Ditch him and don’t look back, Trace! And like David has any right to judge someone on life choices made years ago – he slept with Leyla mere weeks ago! What a prize prannock.
Jacob’s quiff is out of control! The next Emmerdale disaster will surely see it rolling over the whole village. (In fact, to save Emmerdale, we’ve stolen Jakey’s hairdo and given it to someone else hidden in this issue. Can you find it?*)
We almost feel sorry for Phelan. Having to drag bodies from a pond on a stormy, snowy night – and then falling into liquid concrete! Honestly, the sheer stress of his life has put us right off murdering anyone.
Dirty Den is still clearly haunting the Vic. All the Carters’ current woes are Den’s fault! If he hadn’t framed Phil in 2003, then Phil wouldn’t have met Aidan in prison and we’d have all been saved a great deal of whispered melodrama.
Dear Corrie.
Please don’t waste pocketrocket Gemma
on joy sponge Chesney. Lots of love, Inside the Soaps. x
Aidan bangs on and on about his missing money, and then gives away a box of teeth! Get the tooth fairy in, mate – it’s worth at least three quid at current market value.
Laugh of the week was learning that Ross calls Joe ‘Lord Farquaad’. It’s funny because it’s true!
Not something you see every day: a woman constantly checking on the sperm sample she keeps hidden in her bra. Loving your work, Neighbours.
Our very favourite soap face is Jenny Connor Takes Against Someone face.
Steve Mcfadden must suffer from the most shocking déjà vu, the way Phil’s old storylines come back around.
That beard/hair combo suits Aidan. We hope he sticks with it and gives us the full 1970s sailor Action Man.
Baby Dotty is clearly as thrilled as we are by the
Bob and Laurel romance.