Water balloons will make my timbers shiver

Mrs Nurden was not amused when she spotted me peering gingerly at the bathroom mirror. “What on earth have you done to your face?” she demanded.

Alas, it was too late. My skin was now a luminous white.

Let me explain. Once a year I turn into a different person. A bit like being a werewolf but without the moon.

Every August I join a band of pirates and together we try to take over the sun-kissed Isle of Sheppey. It is mayhem.

Our galleon the Saucy Sea Pig drops anchor off the coast and then we climb aboard a flotilla of landing craft in a bid to land. This would be a simple feat if it were not for the hoards of youngsters lining the lakeside determined to repel us with an impressive array of bulging water balloons and pistols.

This is not for the fainthearted or anyone who wants to stay dry. It is the ultimate wet and wild experience – and jolly terrifying.

Obviously, as a trainee rock god it would not be good for my image to be seen messing about with boats, unless they are floating gin palaces on the French Riviera. So I go incognito as the piratical Scurvy Dog the Sea Scribe.

This involves a whole new wardrobe and the deadly white skin. It can be very messy and never fails to annoy Mrs Nurden who is usually left to clean the bathroom after my ablutions to prepare for a day of pillaging and plundering.

The pirates were created 24 years ago to help put Sheppey on the map with the World Walking the Plank championships. Next year will be their silver anniversary.

So, why are grown men and women running around dressed as pirates? Because they arrgh!