Valu­able les­son af­ter my cat caused my fall

Kent Messenger Maidstone - - FRONT PAGE -

Hey kids, don’t do this at home. I just fell down the stairs. I blame it on the cat. Ben is black and has taken to sleep­ing on the first step at night.

No won­der I trod on him in a sleepy stu­por as I stag­gered out of bed in search of es­sen­tial early morn­ing tea.

I re­mem­ber think­ing “Flippin’ heck” and then end­ing up in a heap at the bot­tom, won­der­ing just how I got there.

The com­mo­tion made Mrs Nur­den dart out of the bath­room to see what all the fuss was about. “Are you all right?” she asked. “Yes,” I said, au­to­mat­i­cally, but not re­ally hav­ing had any time to as­sess the in­juries.

There had been some col­lat­eral dam­age on the way down as I had grabbed a pic­ture to slow my rate of de­scent but it had joined me in my plunge of doom to the ground floor of Cob­web Cas­tle.

“I thought you’d bro­ken your hip,” said Mrs Nur­den, as she stretched out a help­ing hand of sup­port.

It’s at times like these when you count your bless­ings. It could have been much more se­ri­ous.

In the end, I es­caped with a bruised hand and a bent-back ear.

There was a time in my youth when I had fan­cied my chances as a film stunt­man, crash­ing through sa­loon bar doors, jump­ing out of a plane or tum­bling down a stair­way. I have now re­vised that death wish. I may also put in a call to the NHS Falls Unit. This gives ad­vice on how not to fall, usu­ally af­ter you have fallen.

It will tell you to do away with dodgy car­pets and elec­tri­cal wires, tie your shoe laces and make like a hedge­hog next time you trip.

What it won’t give you, is a hi-vis jacket for your cat.

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