The hits keep coming, but May shows resolve

If Theresa May was an animal she would probably be David the chimpanzee from Sir David Attenborough’s latest series, Dynasties.

That may seem harsh but let me explain myself before you all call for me to step down as a columnist because I’ve completely lost control and am making a mockery of this historic opportunity. David, if you haven’t watched, was the strong leader his troupe wanted — until the going got tough.

Then all the young upstarts ganged up on him, attacking at night and leaving his prone, twitching body for the irreversiblypsychologically-damaged camera crew to find.

They couldn’t do anything because this is nature and the point of these programmes is to show what actually goes on.

Teary eyed they had to film poor old David slowly, inch by inch drag his broken body to food and water because, as Attenborough reveals, there’s no public health service in the jungle.

The crew’s experience must have been quite similar to what Laura Kuenssberg goes through on a daily basis as she’s forced to endure another bloody round of May-bashing.

Anyway, back to the jungle, and David is, quite astonishingly, still alive. He’s missing toes and fingers and is covered in bloody wounds, but he’s not dead.

Luther, the grinning Dominic Raab of jungle politics, has taken over and is quite happy about it until, what’s that, surely not, it is, it’s David back from the dead and running, shoulders hunched, full pelt at him.

Luther’s off, quick as flash, to join chimp Jacob Rees-Mogg and chimp Boris Johnson in the tallest tree and David is back in control.

It’s watching this kind of spectacle that prepared me nicely for last week’s ‘Brexit deal’ fall out.

Brimming with respect for David the chimp I watched a battered and bruised Prime Minister lose an entire cabinet, call an impromptu press conference, declare she was Geoffrey Boycott and sashay off stage.

Whatever you think of her politics you’ve got to respect Theresa May’s determination.