‘It broke my heart to see my children go. My home is empty’
A mum has spoken of saying the hardest of goodbyes to her children after her mental health struggles saw them taken into care. Luke May reports
A mum’s year of fighting to keep her children looks to have come to an end.
She has spoken of feeling hopeless as Kent County Council seek to find new, permanent homes for her children, a year after they were taken into the local authority’s care.
For legal reasons, the Kent Messenger is not able to identify the mother we’ve spoken to.
Facing an empty house and the impending threat of losing her children to social services, she attempted to take her own life.
She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but it wasn’t until six years later that she was given mood stabilising medication to treat manic and depressive symptoms.
“Some mums or even dads feel like they can’t speak to doctors and tell them how low they feel, what suicidal thoughts they have,” she said. “You’re worried social services will come into your house and say you’re a bad mum you shouldn’t have children. It’s scary, but I’m on the right medication now and I feel better.
“When I woke up [after suicide attempt] I couldn’t believe I was alive. I thought I’d lost everything and couldn’t see the point in living. “It didn’t feel like I had a home to go back to, it felt like an empty shell.
“I’ve been a mum for years, the purpose of my life is my children and I love being a mum, part of the reason why they took my children was because of my mental health problems.
“Just because you’ve got them doesn’t make you a bad parent. It doesn’t mean you can’t recognise what’s going on in your home.
“I had days when I was low, I’d crash and be depressed. I didn’t want to get out of bed or leave the house or talk to people, but I never once neglected my children because of that.”
The mum fell pregnant as a teenager, having spent years in care herself.
She said: “The care system messed me up, I got into drugs, started drinking. I got into bad relationships, I used to thieve and get into fights. “ThenassoonasIfound out I was going to be a mum I knew I needed to sort my life out, it was a shock to the system. I was six months pregnant and social services put my baby on the at risk register for neglect, before I’d even given birth and had a chance at raising them.
“But I raised the baby by myself. I’ve been a good mum to all of my children.”
She had hoped there was a chance to get her children back, but they’re now under the care of Kent County Council.
Eighty children were placed with an adoptive family between April 2018 and March this year in the county. As of March this year, there were
910 children in foster care in Kent.
Foster caring is not a permanent home for a child, they can live with a foster family and return to their birth parents’ home or move on to a permanent adoptive home.
But the picture at the end of 2018 showed 40 children in Kent were waiting to be placed with an adoptive family, while only 35 families had been approved and were waiting to be matched with a child, according to the Adoption and Special Guardianship Leadership Board.
Earlier this year the mum had to say her goodbyes when she was told the council had found a new home for her children.
“It broke my heart to see them go. I did every course I could before we went to court so I could prove I was a good mum, but it didn’t matter. “I’ve redecorated their room ready for them to come home. Right now the house is so empty.”
KCC says it sees taking children away from families as the last resort.