‘I had a massive breakdown - I didn’t want to be here’
A still-too-often taboo subject is tackled by Olympic gold medallist Dame Kelly Holmes to encourage others to open up about their mental frailties
Kent-born athlete Dame Kelly Holmes has spoken out about her battle with loneliness and depression while serving in the army.
Dame Kelly - who grew up in Tonbridge - says she had a ‘massive breakdown’ in 2003, which led her to self-harm. It comes after new statistics released by Armed Forces charity SSAFA (formely known as Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Families Association) reveal that almost a quarter of polled service personnel experience loneliness in the lead up to Christmas.
The Olympic gold medallist said there were often times throughout her military and athletics career that she spent the festive period alone. “Whilst I was in the British Army, I was also training for the Olympics and heavily involved in athletics. There were moments where I would find myself all alone in my barracks, struggling with my emotions on my own and trying to find an escape”, said the 49-year-old.
“In 2003, a year before
Athens Olympic Games, I had a massive breakdown to the point where I hated myself and I didn’t want to be here.
“I was in a really bad place. I was having a breakdown and I was depressed.
“When half of you is dying, and half of you is trying to live - because actually you know you can be good at something still, you have to fight and battle through that.
“There is help out there, there is always someone that will listen to you, you’ve just got to have it within you to ask for it.”
According to survey by SSAFA, 68% of those in the military said they felt lonelier than usual at Christmas, with more than two thirds spending it alone.
It also found that almost two in 10 people spend Christmas on their own each year. A quarter of young people (aged 16 to 35) who were surveyed also reported feeling lonely in the last week, compared to 14% of over 55s. Bill Grant, forcesline manager at SSAFA said: “There’s a perception that the elderly are the most lonely group in society, but in reality isolation affects many of us. “We can all feel alone, and
Christmas can make this feel worse. Reaching out could be a daunting but life-changing first step.
“For the forces community, I hear first-hand that this can be a difficult time. Whether deployed and away from home, or just struggling to adjust to civilian life, loneliness and isolation can hit those serving and their families, of all backgrounds. “We want to encourage people to reach out to those who may be experiencing feelings of isolation at Christmas – a simple gesture can be all that it takes.”
For confidential support on an emotional issue, call Samaritans on 116 123 at any time.