‘They just want to feel normal’ Sex nights hosted for disabled
A kinky sex night now hosted near Sittingbourne is helping improve the lives of people with disabilities.
Hundreds had been looking forward to this year’s Sexual Freedom Ball, but it’s had to cancel due to Covid-19. It transferred to the county last year after being staged in London and those behind them say they offer a much-needed chance for people with disabilities to enjoy a range of sexual experiences, including fetishes, that able-bodied people take for granted.
Organiser Val Clarke from Rochester said: “This [cancellation] is deeply sad.
“The ball allows both physically and mentally disabled people to feel normal and sample a fetish night like other people. “It is a chance for them to dip their toe into the water to see if they like it.
“They can watch floor shows and dive in if they want, or just stay on the sidelines.”
The ball, which was to be held at Hartlip not far from the M2’s Farthing Corner service station, is an important source of income for the Outsiders Club which helps those with disabilities find dates and explore their sexuality.
It was founded in 1979 by porn star, author and sex therapist Rosalind ‘Tuppy’ Owens in her subterranean flat in Mayfair. She is now 75 and living in a Highland croft.
She wrote the Sex Maniac’s Diary and starred in Lady Victoria’s Training, among other tales, alongside Sittingbourne “bad boy” Simon Lindsay Honey, who was expelled from Borden Grammar School. Honey has since made a lucrative career out of performing in adult films under his stage name Ben Dover after a short-lived career as a rock drummer with bands such as Edison Lighthouse, White Plains and the Ian Mitchell Band. He also had a spell as a male stripper under the name of Hot Rod because of his resemblance to Rod Stewart. He now lives in Surrey.
The Outsiders Club was set up so socially and physically disabled people looking for love could find partners. Some are in wheelchairs with spinal injuries. Some have disfigurements or trouble moving because of arthritis or multiple sclerosis. Others suffer from depression, agoraphobia or have cerebral palsy.
Val said: “The venues we pick for the ball are totally accessible. Many clubs list themselves as being accessible but then limit wheelchair-users to one floor.
“We ensure everyone can move around freely. But there is more to it than just installing ramps, stair-lifts or building special props like spanking benches low enough for wheelchair-users.
“Some guests may be blind or deaf. It is important if they are indulging in, say, a bondage session they can still communicate their ‘safe’ word to their partner to signal them to stop. Special signs must be agreed. It may be dropping a hanky or a flower. “And we never use strobe lights in case anyone has epilepsy. “Our priority is to provide a safe environment. We have stewards to help.
“If people become over excited there is always a quiet place they can relax with a cup of tea. And if the bar is too high for them we have special runners to get drinks.
“We use specially selected acts so our guests feel comfortable. It’s all about inclusion.” Entertainment can include “interactive strip shows” and “tactile stripping” where blind members can enjoy touching models’ outfits made of silk, velvet, rope or bubble wrap. The balls, usually held twice a year in the spring and autumn, switched to Kent, mainly to keep costs down. Both planned dates this year have been cancelled. Val said: “By definition, many of our guests are the most vulnerable in society with immune issues. We couldn’t afford to take the risk.”