Your en­ter­tain­ment will not be­gin shortly

Kentish Express Ashford & District - - Nuts & Bolts -

Do you ever go to the cin­ema and won­der when the film you have paid to see is ac­tu­ally go­ing to start? That was the ques­tion a mem­ber of the Nuts and Bolts team asked him­self when he went to watch Ever­est at Ash­ford Cineworld the other evening.

The film was sched­uled to start at 5pm so he dashed away from work and set­tled down in his seat at about 4.55pm to en­joy the block­buster about moun­taineers at­tempt­ing to climb the world’s high­est moun­tain.

But by the time all the trail­ers, pro­mos, ad­verts and so on had been shown, he could have reached Ever­est base camp him­self as the film didn’t ac­tu­ally start show­ing un­til 5.25pm.

Now ev­ery­one likes a lit­tle taste of forth­com­ing films, but some of the trail­ers are so long it’s al­most like you don’t need to bother even go­ing to see the ac­tual film when it comes out as you’ve al­ready seen all the good bits.

Con­trast his visit to Cineworld with a trip he and his part­ner made to the Wood­church Film So­ci­ety last Satur­day evening to see The The­ory of Ev­ery­thing, the ex­cel­lent film about sci­en­tist Stephen Hawk­ing.

Now at this screen­ing there were no trail­ers, just a brief in­tro­duc­tory talk from one of the or­gan­is­ers about the film to be shown.

And one of the de­lights of Wood­church Film So­ci­ety is that it has an in­ter­val half­way through al­low­ing cin­ema­go­ers to en­joy a cup of tea or cof­fee and a slice of ex­cel­lent home-made cake be­fore set­tling back in their seats for the sec­ond half of the film. And, tick­ets are just a fiver!

Give that group an Os­car. And if you fancy see­ing a film in Wood­church, visit www. wood­church­film­so­ci­ety. com for de­tails of fu­ture screen­ings.

Ever told a lit­tle white lie about where you live? If so don’t worry about it: loads of us do it, ap­par­ently.

Ac­cord­ing to a new sur­vey (oh how Nuts and Bolts loves a good sur­vey), 48% of Bri­tons bend the truth about where they live, with a fur­ther 19% com­pletely ly­ing about where they re­side.

This poll says Bri­tons who lie about where they live are likely to do so be­cause their area has a bad rep­u­ta­tion, no one’s heard of the place or they’re ashamed to live where they do.

So per­haps you’ve met some peo­ple on hol­i­day, for ex­am­ple, and dur­ing the con­ver­sa­tion you’re asked: “And where are you from then?”

And in that mo­ment of mad­ness, rather than say Ash­ford you think it might be bet­ter to say: “A lit­tle vil­lage out­side Ash­ford in Kent called Mer­sham. You know, pretty lit­tle place. Just a vil­lage shop, cou­ple of pubs. Rather quaint, ac­tu­ally.”

And then you just hope upon hope that your new ‘friends’ don’t know some­one who re­ally does live in Mer­sham.

So what makes Brits ei­ther bend the truth or com­pletely lie to po­ten­tial part­ners and peo­ple they meet for the first time about where they live.

Well, ap­par­ently more than one third of the peo­ple sur­veyed said they lied about where they lived be­cause they didn’t like the town, city or vil­lage.

The top five rea­sons giv­ing for ly­ing were: 1. Where I live has a bad rep­u­ta­tion – 44% 2. No­body has heard of where I live – 37% 3. I’m ashamed of where I live – 35% 4. The sur­round­ing area is much nicer – 20% 5. I live in a wealthy area and don’t like broad­cast­ing the fact – 7%

But of course none of the N & B team would ever lie about such things be­cause – as jour­nal­ists – we all live in lux­ury, in huge man­sions, in posh vil­lages, sur­rounded by le­gions of do­mes­tic staff, eat­ing out in flash restau­rants, which we drive to in our topof-the-range cars, and we en­joy ex­pen­sive hol­i­days in places like Bar­ba­dos or St Tropez, where we spend wads of cash on cham­pagne and caviar. Hon­est!

They’re back! The peo­ple who in­sist on split­ting the sec­ond half of phone num­bers are at it again.

The Ken­tish Ex­press has had sev­eral ex­am­ples re­cently of peo­ple who in­sist on di­vid­ing the lat­ter half of phone num­bers in two.

Just to clear things up, our of­fice phone num­ber is 01233 623232. It is NOT 01233 623 232.

We’ve high­lighted this in­ap­pro­pri­ate di­vi­sion of phone num­bers be­fore, and now we have to is­sue a fi­nal warn­ing.

Any­one who emails us with a di­vided num­ber will NOT get called. You may think that’s petty but stan­dards are stan­dards and we don’t want our six-digit phone num­bers tam­pered with in this un­der­hand way.

At rail­way sta­tions peo­ple are re­minded to “mind the gap”. In this case, yes, we do mind the gap; we mind the gap be­ing there. We de­mand a gap­less so­ci­ety where all tele­phone num­bers are treated equally and with re­spect, no mat­ter who is di­alling them and for what­ever rea­son they are be­ing called.

Pic­ture: Maitha Ahmed

Nuts & Bolts hol­i­day des­ti­na­tion of choice – Bar­ba­dos

Any visit to the cin­ema in­evitably in­volves end­less ad­verts and trail­ers

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