A long journey to hug someone in a bear suit

Welcome to your new, exciting Black Friday column.

Okay, so it comes out on Thursday and is actually no newer and no more exciting than at any other time but we have to keep up with the trends if we hope to be able to continue trading. And, of course, some Black Fridays I’ve seen are set to run all the way to Christmas. You must have seen something about father and grown-up daughter who recently travelled over 60 miles from East Grinstead to the Outlet.

Why? To go to a sweet shop. Yes, a sweet shop! I couldn’t believe it at first but seeing, as they say, is believing. This, apparently, was in the hope of gaining a goody bag of free sweets and other promotional stuff and - joy of joys - a hug from somebody dressed in a yellow bear suit.

I’m sure they thought their trip was worth it.

I wrote to the Chief Constable suggesting that anyone found damaging swans or other peoples’ property with a catapult should be met with an armed response team. If you think this is a tad extreme, remember that the catapults being used by citizens of Yobsville are in fact more dangerous that air pistols - which are commonly met that way. The Chief Constable replied to say that he was tackling the problem with a media appeal and, at times, the use of a drone.

‘Some Black Fridays I’ve seen are set to run all the way to Christmas’

Last Sunday, Mrs. B and I went to Bruges. We didn’t go in the family car. No, we went cheaply, comfortably and stress-free on a coach - one of four which carried over 200 souls to see the Christmas market. The trip was organized by Viv Kenny who used to be a very successful Town Centre Manager here in Ashford until our all-wise council replaced her, having been mesmerised by the pitiful Portas Pilot Scheme.

Back in the real world, Viv has set up a company called REALsocialising and has some 17 trips planned, ranging from the Tutankhamun exhibition in London to Flanders battlefields.