Kentish Express Ashford & District
‘To go through it during lockdown is even more lonely’
Mums who have lost babies can seek help
Two mothers who endured the heartache of losing their babies are urging others to share their experiences to help combat the crushing loneliness while grieving.
Sarah Rooke, chairman of East Kent Sands, which has a base in both Ashford and Broadstairs, says the isolation felt when having a stillbirth or experiencing a neonatal death is devastating, but has been made worse by the pandemic.
The charity runs support groups every month, where parents and family members share their grief with others who have lost a child, but these face-toface meetings were suspended in March.
On October 14, which falls in Baby Loss Awareness Week, they are due to resume and Mrs Rooke is encouraging people to come along.
“Losing a baby is so lonely and isolating, it’s devastating,” she said.
“People don’t like talking about babies dying.
“It’s different if it’s a grandad. People can relate to that, they’ve had a life. But a dead baby is not something people find easy to talk about.
“You often get ‘you can have more’ or ‘it’ll be good again’.
“It’s such a lonely experience and if you have gone through it during lockdown it’s even more isolating and lonely.
“You can’t have people come to visit, you can’t go to Sands meetings. The pandemic has made isolation even more widespread in all areas of life. So to lose a baby you feel even more on your own.”
Mrs Rooke, 46, knows the heartache only too well.
She lost her daughter Harriet during labour 14 years ago due to medical negligence at a hospital in London.
“I was full term and they hadn’t picked up that she was struggling until 15 minutes before she was born,” she said. “It was heartbreaking.
“I was 40 weeks, everything had been fine. She got into difficulty - but when they were monitoring her they were picking up my heartbeat instead of hers.
“When she was born it was chaos. They weren’t expecting
it. They were like, ‘how did this happen, she should be alive’.
“My life carried on and about five years later I decided to become a Befriender at Sands because I wanted to help and support others going through similar situations.
“To be a Befriender you have to have lost a baby, because you can understand what they’re going through.
“It is really helpful to speak to others who have gone through the same thing - they know what you’re feeling.
“I think for me, that was massive. I got so much support from that.”
Mrs Rooke is now the new chairman of East Kent Sands. She and colleague Emma Dimond run the support group in Margate.
Mrs Dimond lost one of her
twin daughters days after giving birth four years ago.
“We had different experiences and it happened at different times,” said Mrs Rooke.
“One of the things people like to see is that we’ve come through it. They can see that we’ve carried on with our lives.
“You can get through it. It doesn’t mean that you failed. You are able to carry on and survive.”
The meetings in Thanet are on the second Wednesday of every month at St John’s Church Community Centre, Margate, from 7.45pm to 9.15pm.
In Ashford they run on the third Wednesday of every month at Ashford Volunteer Centre, Berwick House, although oneto-one is currently on hold.
“The groups are open to parents, grandparents, other relatives, friends - anyone that’s been affected by a stillbirth,” said Mrs Rooke, now a mumof-three.
“People talk about their experiences, ask for help and get support, with us Befrienders there to guide the group.”
For more information email support@eastkentsands.org. uk or visit www.instagram. com/eastkentsands or www. facebook.com/SandsKent.
The Thanet helpline is 07888 967463 and Ashford 07547 195791.
‘The pandemic has made isolation more widespread in all areas of life’