My backstreet love affair

Secret Drinker heads to a hidden away town centre pub for beer and banter with the boys

Describing itself as a House of Paradise, with five lovely hostesses waiting to greet me on the first floor, I quickly tried the door of the St Lawrence, but disappointingly the pub was shut up tight.

Failing to get even a drink, I wandered further along Ashburnham Road found myself at the Australian Arms instead.

Hidden away as it is I never would have discovered this antipodean delight if the sports bar on the high street had been open on a Friday lunchtime.

The landlady, who was busy cleaning the fridges, immediately put down her cloth to welcome us and I faced a twotap choice of Gadds No5 or Doom Bar?

Being in Ramsgate, I was already leaning towards the local choice when landlord Mick, who’d previously gone unnoticed, added his tuppence worth. He’d been sat quietly in Turf Corner, with his vodka and lemonade, counting his cash but couldn’t help pointing out The Gadds is stronger (4.4%), tastier and, at 20p more expensive, makes him ever so slightly richer.

It was at this point both Mrs SD and I fell in love with this unpretentious backstreet boozer.

Landlady Tina was either serving or cleaning everything in sight from the moment we walked int to the second we left and Mick, who had his drinks delivered to him, offered his opinion on many subjects and didn’t so much as lift a cheek off his seat the whole time.

Every table was equipped with a good old-fashioned beer towel (no doubt cleanly laundered by Tina) and a healthy number of beer mats.

Food was not being served, and never is – again, I love a pub that lets you know how it stands - snacks are available however, and we ordered two packets of Tayto, a favourite of mine right back to days spent in Belfast.

My own personal cleaning

goddess, might not be quite as efficient as the landlady, but I’d already decided she deserved a large Sauvignon Blanc, and at very reasonable £4.50 a go, might be a lucky enough little duster to get a second.

Regular Dave had swiveled round on his bar stool to exchange pleasantries with us, and abuse Mick, in equal measure and it wasn’t long before loads of regulars were chipping in.

The next subject was the

possibility of getting a local lad a job on a building site – the consensus being he’s either too picky or just plain work shy.

Until this point, discounting the landlady, Mrs SD was the only female present, but the count doubled when regular Lola came in – she was a very good girl and waited patiently at the bar for Jim to slip her a bit of sausage. Dogs are clearly welcome here.

The lads round the pool table played on without batting an eyelid and Iron Maiden’s Can I Play with Madness aptly came on the jukebox.

There’s also a couple of fruit machines, a dartboard in the bar and another in the back room.

The toilets, both the ladies and the gents, must have had the Tina treatment as, despite being traditional, if not oldfashioned, they were absolutely spotless and wonderfully fresh.

A new face appeared behind the bar and Mick enquired of Steve: “Is that daughter of mine up yet? She does know she’s due to be on at 2.20pm doesn’t she? And I might as well have another drink while you’re doing nothing”.

The Australian Arms is clearly a family-run free house and the vodka and lemonade was duly delivered to Mick’s table.

There are screens around the bar and the largest one was showing what music was playing – for all you lovers of the 80s, it had just shifted to Aztec Camera.

The sign over the bar reading ‘Mick, Tina and family welcome all customers – old and new’ isn’t really needed as everything they do puts everyone at their ease. However, it’s still refreshing to see a pub prepared to state its case and then live up to it.

I really can’t speak too highly of this place, with Trojan Tina a hard-working whirlwind and main man Mick providing back-up expertise where required.

For those interested in whether the story of the five hostesses ended happily, I can reveal the St Lawrence had opened its doors by 2pm and this ‘sports bar’ will be the subject of next week’s no-holdsbarred’ review.

There was no shortage of blue picnic tables in the outside area at the back of the pub, likewise selections of colourful plastic flowers