Still rockin’ after all these decades

Some of you may be aware of my totally unrealistic ambitions to become a rock god. Titter ye not. In these days of the equality police there is no longer a need to be a young, hunky, hairy music maestro to succeed.

I have looked around and believe I have all the natural traits for stardom in the 21st century.

Some celebrities are still at the top of their game despite starting to show their age.

Many have lost their natural hair and gained a few wrinkles and a little extra weight.

The likes of Elton John, Phil Collins, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards come to mind.

I reckon I will be in good company with my shiny bald head and designer beer belly.

Mrs Nurden, alas, does not share my confidence.

She refers to my aspirations, rather harshly I think, as my second childhood.

However, I cast aside her words of caution on Saturday and clambered into a rusty white Ford Transit van to pursue my dreams.

This was no third-rate X Factor audition. This was a live performance of the Rockin’ Decades in front of a mostly live audience.

I have been in a band before. We called ourselves The Wrinklies because of our advancing years.

We were based mainly in Canterbury but would make occasional forays to Ashford, Deal, Herne Bay, Whitstable and the sun-kissed Isle of Sheppey.

But the joke fell flat when we recruited a girl singer who told us being called a ‘wrinkly’ was one step too far and a new name was needed.

Coming up with band names can be a pretty traumatic process. There are many foolproof ways on the internet.

My personal favourite was to combine the colour of your underpants with the name of your first pet. Black Cobweb would have worked. But bands are democratic beasts so we ended up with the Rockin’ Decades.

Since then, we have undergone a number of line-up changes. The girl has gone. But we retain the title – just in case we can entice

‘My favourite way to come up with a title for a band was to combine the colour of your underpants with the name of your first pet’

another female to join us.

Most of us met at a rock school for wrinklies, hence the first name.

It was a total hoot as we got to grips with our guitars.

Some, like retired builder Da Doo Ron Ron from Faversham had never played before. Others had been in bands but had given up because of: a) increased job commitments; b) getting married; c) the arrival of children.

We still have Da Doo Ron Ron on guitar and the Quiet One from Canterbury on bass but now boast Tricky Ricky on keyboards, Animal Chris on drums and newcomer Steve on lead guitar.

Steve’s claim to fame is his amplifier, which was once used by Bruce Welch of the Shadows. It still has BW on the flight case. Alas, none of us have the A-levels to work out how to operate the PA without the howling sound of feedback.

Any veteran soundmen, or women, are welcome to apply to join the oldest rockers in town...