Comic’s glimpse into the future has ring of truth

Comics tell the most outrageous stories. Take Michael Mcintyre for instance. According to a video currently doing the rounds he visited a clairvoyant last June to see what the future held. It didn’t bode well. “Next year you will no longer be a comedian,” predicted the mystic. “You will be a substitute teacher and an amateur hairdresser. Your uniforms for these jobs will be tracksuit bottoms. You will wear these tracksuit bottoms every day, for many months. And you will wear the T-shirt you slept in the night before.” Mcintyre’s long-planned summer safari trip was also laughed away.

“The trip you are most excited about now,” continued the fortune teller as he gazed into his crystal ball, “seems to be a trip to the garden centre.” He is visibly crestfallen when told his birthday celebrations are on hold. “But you will sing Happy Birthday,” added the mysterious robed figure bringing a touch of relief. “You will sing it to yourself every day at least eight times.” One of the funniest exchanges is when the comic is told his friends are furloughed. “Furloughed?” he inquired. “You can’t just make words up.” The mystic continued: “I see you in a shop. You are very nervous. You are wearing a mask on your face and gloves on your hands.” “Am I a robber?” asks Mcintyre. “You will spend many months inside and will only be allowed out for one exercise per day,” explains the man.

He paints a picture of Mcintyre and his wife drinking Prosecco at 10 in the morning: “You are celebrating Tuesday. But you both think it is Wednesday.”

There is also a warning that all business meetings will be conducted in the kitchen wearing no trousers.

And all meetings will start with the words: “Can you hear me?”

You couldn’t make it up. And that’s why coronavirus is still so frightening.

‘You will wear tracksuit bottoms every day, for many months. And you will wear the T-shirt you slept in the night before.’