Kentish Gazette Canterbury & District
Mum’s plea after son’s tragic suicide
A grieving mum is urging young people experiencing mental illness to seek help after her 22-year-old son took his own life. Aaron Jermy tragically died in Canterbury last Thursday. His heartbroken mum, Marie O’leary, has told how her son had “struggled with demons” but resisted seeking medical help, instead attempting to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol.
The mum-of-three, 44, is now imploring people to speak out if they too are struggling. “Just talk - open up,” she said. “Because this is where it can lead to, and I don’t want anyone else to go through this.” Aaron, who grew up in Ashford, where he attended The North School, moved to Hersden with his mum six years ago. “I know Aaron had a mental health illness, although it was never properly diagnosed,” said Mrs O’leary.
“I used to beg him that he needed help. I had talks with him, I screamed at him, I cried at him.
“He struggled with demons in his own head, and unfortunately turned to drink and drugs. He used them as a mask.”
Mrs O’leary told how Aaron was also deeply affected when he witnessed a 16-year-old girl take her own life at Sturry railway station in March. “Aaron had heard shouting and went running to try to help her, but didn’t get there in time,” said his mum. “It really, really scarred him.
“He was in a hell of a state. He was absolutely devastated.” Mrs O’leary recalled how she had once taken Aaron to see a GP about his mental illness, where he was told he was in psychosis.
“They got the crisis team involved and I said ‘look, I will be there every step of the way’,” she said.
“Then they said they needed to do a full assessment, and he never carried on with it. “I always said to Aaron ‘I can support you, but you’ve got to help yourself’.
“But he would always refuse. He would never go to the follow-up appointments.” Aaron’s problems with drugs and alcohol grew and he moved into shared accommodation in Longport, run by charity Porchlight.
Last Thursday, in the early hours of the morning, Aaron took his own life in St Martin’s Hill.
“I had a text from him at 1.24am to say ‘I love you mum, I’m sorry I’m a disappointment, and don’t mourn too long’,” said Mrs O’leary.
After a frantic search carried out by Aaron’s family, he was found by emergency services and was pronounced dead at the scene.
Since Aaron’s death, Mrs O’leary has been shocked to learn of the astonishingly high proportion of suicides that are carried out by young people, particularly men.
Suicide is the leading cause of death in people aged 25 to 44 years old in Kent, while figures released by the Office for National Statistics show that men consistently account for about 75% of all deaths by suicide.
They also show a “significant” increase in the rate of male suicides in the south-east - which rose from 526 deaths in 2018 to 657 last year.
“It is so wrong,” said Mrs O’leary.
“I said to my older son, ‘I never taught you boys to keep emotions in or be scared to talk about them’.
“And he said ‘mum, you didn’t, but society does’. “Society is very much ‘you’re a man, don’t cry, don’t ask for help’.”
But Mrs O’leary urges anyone experiencing mental ill health to talk to others about how they are feeling. “Particularly men,” she added. “It’s not weak.”
Mrs O’leary feels more should be done in schools to address mental illness and underline the importance of speaking out. “Younger ones have got to know to talk to people,” she said. “Boys and girls should know that any problem, any bullying, they need to just talk, open up. “There’s support out there.” For confidential support on an emotional issue, call Samaritans on 116 123 at any time.