2021 set to be madder still

Bryan Adams’ forthcoming concert in Canterbury suggests some normality is returning. But there is no normal anymore: only hysteria and the tyranny of a

deranged government.

As such we should fast forward to July 8 and imagine what we can expect from such an event as a rock concert...

Indeed, the gig only goes ahead when Adams complies with SAGE demands to rewrite lyrics to reflect contemporary public health concerns and remove lines which encourage the questioning of authority.

Outside, crowds moving towards the St Lawrence Ground are corralled through checkpoints where gas maskwearing inspectors check immunity passports and conduct intrusive on-the-spot personal hygiene assessments, a process lasting several hours.

A scuffle over a stray dollop of hand sanitiser erupts. No police attend. They are holding up traffic so upper-middle class teenagers from nearby grammar schools can protest against Adams, whose tour of the UK constitutes “a carbonemitting hate crime against the environment or something”. The only two other constables on duty are hoisting a “We heart the NHS” flag outside the police station.

Back at the gig, Adams’ legendary guitar solos are interrupted by a stentorian voice which booms “hands, face, space” over the loudspeakers while the screen behind him plays endless public information messages. To ensure the complete regimentation of life, Covid marshals peer from watchtowers to gather evidence of “mixing”,

recently upgraded in criminal law to a category one offence. Later, a woman who took her 78-year-old mother to the concert is arrested. She was snitched on by care home staff suspicious that the pensioner was spending time with her family.

Kent Police boasts of fining the daughter £10,000, warning that repeat offenders will be summarily detained at one of the new Covid re-education camps, the first of which a beaming Matt Hancock proudly opened in Sheppey earlier that week. Concert-goers heading back into town at the end learn that 75% of Canterbury’s pubs and restaurants are permanently closed.

If 2020 was the year Britain went insane, 2021 promises to be madder still.

Alex Claridge

Old Tannery, Canterbury

Nic Orchard is among those with vintage planes at Maypole Airfield