Vital statistics

Like 99 per cent of all male drivers, I reckon I’m the best in the world. And statistically, I’m not that bad, even if I say so myself. In over 40 years of driving I’ve clocked up just one speeding conviction, yet despite my not-too-blemished record, I get clobbered by insurance companies because of what I do for a living.

Mention you’re a journalist to the person working out your insurance quote and you hear a long and noisy intake of breath, as they suck air between their teeth (why do they do that?), followed by a short pause, then: “Mmm, that will push the premium up a bit...”

I don’t get it. I’ve known thousands of journalists in my working career – and not one of them struck me as a particularly bad driver. So why do we have to pay more?

The answer is, apparently, that statistically us journos have more driving convictions than average. But we’re not alone. Joining us in the high-risk category are oil rig workers and anybody whose job title includes the word ‘director’.

According to one of Britain’s biggest insurance companies, it’s all based on the average number of driving convictions people in your occupation have amassed in the last five years. The national average is 9.8 per cent.

Based on an analysis of six million insurance quotes, Gocompare.com can state that the nation’s worst drivers by occupation are: 1. Oil rig crew (22.9%) 2. Sales director (21.1%) 3. Operations director (21%) 4. Managing director (20.9%) 5. Asbestos remover (19.9%) 6. Company director (19.7%) 7. Refrigeration engineer (19.6%) 8. Area manager (19.4%) 9. Service engineer (19.3%) 10. Site agent (19.2%) Other motorists with a higher-than-average conviction rate include – worryingly – chauffeurs (17.1%) and lorry drivers (13.8%). The nation’s best drivers are: 1. Actuary (3.3%) 2. Packer (3.7%) 3. Nursery assistant (4.2%) 4. Dinner assistant (4.2%) 5. Picker (4.4%) 6. Warehouseman (4.6%) 7. Waitress (4.7%) 8. Nursery worker (4.8%) 9. Playgroup assistant (4.9%) 10. Driving instructor (4.9%) It’s reassuring to know that the folk who look after our kids are safe and sensible drivers. But nursery workers and dinner ladies are positive tearaways compared to Britain’s safest drivers. Let’s hear it for the nation’s actuaries!

An actuary, in case you didn’t know, is the person who works out risk management for insurance companies. Mmm, did I just get a whiff of rat?

So where do us hacks find ourselves? Just a tad above the national average (12.7%) – fractionally better than dentists (13%). So now you know.