DAVE PHILLIPS

T he Voca l Yokel

“The government get away with this scam because they know car owners are too dim to realise”

Editor Patrick tells me that reaction to my recent thoughts on electric cars (LRM, October) was equally divided between those who broadly agreed with me and those who would gladly volunteer to plug my testicles into the National Grid. And that’s exactly as it should be: after all, somebody must agree with the politicians who make up these daft rules, otherwise they wouldn’t have got voted in in the first place.

But those who would dearly love to send me to the electric chair got one thing wrong: they assumed that I was against electric cars. Far from it! I love the idea of no longer having to go to the filling station to top up with diesel and hand over huge sums of money to the government in the form of fuel duty and tax.

As I’m sure you know, fuel duty is levied at a flat rate of 57.95p per litre for both petrol and diesel, while VAT at 20 per cent is then charged on both the product price and the duty. A nice double whammy for the Exchequer, thank you very much.

That means when you and I stick £50-worth of diesel in the tanks of our Land Rovers we are actually getting about £15-worth of fuel. The other £35 goes straight to the government.

Of course, electric car owners don’t pay duty and tax. They also get generous subsidies from the government on both road tax (they don’t pay any) and the cost of the electric vehicle in the first place. But how long do you think that cosy arrangement is going to last?

There is going to be a big hole in the government’s finances if petrol and diesel cars get the chop. And how will they fill that hole? By taxing electric car owners, of course.

The government get away with this sort of scam because they know that a high percentage of car owners are too dim to realise what’s going on. Ironically, about the same percentage that disagree with me on electric cars.

Anyway, like I said, I actually relish the idea of electric cars. Not because of any possible savings on fuel, but because hopefully it will force manufacturers to stop making such complicated vehicles. Let me explain…

The biggest problem that electric car designers have is batteries. They aren’t powerful enough and they run flat too quickly, restricting the range of said electric cars.

But that range would be extended greatly in an instant if they were to get rid of all the unnecessary electrics that bedevil all modern cars – including Land Rovers. In fact, JLR are probably the worst manufacturer of the lot and appear to be incapable of launching a new model without a whole new array of systems that rely upon electric gimmickry.

It started with the original Freelander (HDC, ETC, ABS) and from there on in the acronyms spread like verbal diarrhoea with every new launch. The current Range Rover Vogue’s acronyms includes Auto High Beam Assist (AHBA), Roll Stability Control (RSC), Electronic Brake-force Distribution (EBD), Cornering Brake Control (CBC), Dynamic Stability Control (DSC), Emergency Brake Assist (EBA), Diesel Particulate Filter (DPF), Active Speed Limiter (ASL) and Say What You See voice control (SWYS). All but the DPF require battery power.

Then there are the electric windows, sunroofs, door locks, mirrors, seat adjustment… the list goes on.

I remember getting an exclusive preview of the soon-to-be-launched L322 thirdgeneration Range Rover early in 2002, when executives proudly told me there was more wiring in the driver’s seat of that model than there was in the entire Range Rover Classic. Fifteen years on, the reason that the values of L322 Range Rovers have fallen through the floor is because all those electrics have started going wrong and are expensive to replace.

It is no coincidence that it is the simpler Land Rovers – Defenders and Series models – that hold their values.

Obviously I have no objection to the systems that make our cars safer. But in the case of those that are mere gimmicks to attract sales from the bone-idle – like electric windows, for example – I’d be happy to see consigned into the automotive history’s rubbish bin.

Personally I like doing stuff myself. I’m perfectly capable of opening windows manually without breaking into a sweat. A manual lever or two to adjust my seat suits me fine. It is my view that all these gadgets are dumbing down the driving experience, which in turn makes it less enjoyable. It is for me, anyway.

It is my firm opinion that cutting out the unnecessary gizmos in our cars will save the human race from brain decay and give electric cars a greater battery range. But will manufacturers do it? Don’t hold your breath. EX-LRM Editor Dave has driven Land Rovers in most corners of the world, but loves the British countryside best