Frank Elson

Talking Frankly

“You used to find these yards in every village until the increase in Health and Safety”

Passing a scrapyard owned by a settled traveller friend Tilly, my eyes were naturally drawn to a very neatlooking 88in Series III parked up. It was a vehicle I had not seen before. To a very audible sigh from the beloved Marjorie, I swung into the yard.

You used to find these yards in every Pennine hill village some years ago, until the increase in Health and Safety and planning laws. Tilly, however, probably well into his eightieth year, has been able to resist all the visits by bureaucrats. I doubt very much that they are aware that he not only carries out his business from the site, but also lives in the hut that doubles up as his workshop.

Inside the yard Tilly was in conversation with a young man, dressed in a suit who it transpired was the owner of the Land Rover (and he wears a suit?).

“Here mush, is someone who knows more about they Lundovers than I do,” said Tilly to the young man. Turning to me: “This gennelman ’ as got a noise he isn’t happy with.”

The gennelman, who asked that I not use his name in this column, explained that there was a grinding noise at the rear of his motor and a neighbour had sent him to Tilly “to enquire about buying, secondhand, something called a differential”.

From the open passenger window of my Rangie, some ten feet away, came another, very audible, sighing noise. She knows me so well!

I suggested a short drive across the yard – and heard that familiar saucepan full of spanners noise almost immediately. Yep, the rear diff was definitely caput.

By a happy twist of fate not 20 yards away was another Series III that I know. Happy for some, as it had belonged to a mate’s son until the engine blew up and – against my own advice (to just replace the engine as the rest of the motor was fine) – it had been sold to Tilly for breaking.

Well, yes, I agreed, Tilly could sell the diff out of it for the gennelman to take away and have fitted, but it wasn’t a naileddown certainty that he could drive very far with the state of his present diff. And, well, I was there and Young Tilly (Tilly’s son, but you’d probably guessed that) was there, and so changing the complete axle on a leafer didn’t seem the hardest job in the world. In any case simpler than removing two diffs and swapping them over, plus I wouldn’t bet on the axle casing and half shafts of the gennelman’s vehicle being in as good a condition as I knew the donor vehicle’s to be.

Vehicle A (the gennelman’s) went into Tilly’s workshop/ home and up on the lift and I pointed to the various nuts and bolts, shocker mounts and propshaft bolts for Young Tilly to start on.

Vehicle B (the donor) was raised up, using a forklift (I can heartily recommend this over jacks) and, having donned my overalls (I keep them in my motor, just in case), I started undoing things myself, with frequent trips inside to check on Young Tilly, of course.

Now, we’ve often described Land Rovers as giant-sized Meccano kits with rust, but even I was surprised at how simply everything went. Both vehicles have had lots of mechanical work in recent years – Vehicle A, in fact, had a galvanised chassis fitted just a few years ago – so not many of the nuts and bolts gave much trouble.

With just a couple of tea breaks – Marjorie enjoyed brewing up on the wood stove – we actually finished the complete changeover in just three-and-a-half hours. I thought I’d say nothing for a while but, after a huddle with Tilly when lovell (money) changed hands, the gennelman gave every indication of getting in his vehicle and driving off, so I thought I’d better speak up.

“You know we had to disconnect the brake lines, don’t you? Might it not be a good idea to bleed the brakes before you go back onto the road?”

He did have the grace to blush! I also pointed out that checking the oil level in the donor diff might be a good idea, too.

So, I bet you are wondering what I got out of it, apart from a lot of fun and a new reader for LRM? Well, I am now the proud owner of a memory from my childhood – a traditional Queenie stove – which I am going to fit into my garage just as soon as I can sort out a chimney.

The TV show Find It Fix It Flog It is interesting enough in itself but, of course, made more interesting for the fact that one of the presenters, Henry Cole, drives around in a Defender 110 – and occasionally in a Series III.

However, Henry, will you please stop turning towards your passenger to chat while you are driving.

A Facebook friend of mine posted after recent gales had brought down power lines, that he hoped owners of electric cars enjoyed their enforced rest while he and his V8 petrol-powered Land Rover continued with business as usual!