Picking up the pieces following mum’s death from cancer
DAUGHTER SHARES HER STORY AND PRAISES WORK OF LOROS HOSPICE
IT has almost been a year since Chanel Platts said her final goodbyes to her mother, Debbie, who died on Christmas Day.
Debbie had been diagnosed with lung cancer in 2018, at the age of 43.
The diagnosis came as a shock to her family as she was healthy and showed no symptoms.
Now, almost 12 months on, 25-yearold Chanel is learning to “piece herself back together”.
“My mum hadn’t been poorly and she was quite healthy so it was a complete shock to us at the time,” she said.
“But her main concern was us – she wanted me and my sisters to have the support we needed.”
Chanel lived with her mum and her mum’s husband, Sam, while her two sisters lived with their partners.
“We are all around the same age, we’re all young adults, but I was still really dependent on my mum so when we found out, it was almost like a role reversal overnight.
“All of a sudden, I was looking after her,” Chanel said.
Sam has been a “fantastic father figure” to her.
Debbie had chemotherapy but by the end of the year the cancer had spread to her brain.
“That’s when she deteriorated quite rapidly. She regressed and almost became like a child,” Chanel said.
“In some ways, it was a bit easier when it got to that point because before, when she was forgetting things, it was harder to lift her up emotionally.
“When she regressed further, we didn’t have to explain everything to her.
“Sometimes, when people are really unwell, they can become angry or confused.
“But mum was just so precious and beautiful.”
There were special moments with her mum during her last year.
“One day, while we were watching TV, mum’s eyes lit up at a dancing sloth from a sofa advert and she just had to have it,” Chanel said.
“I looked for it everywhere and when I finally got it she just loved it. She took it with her everywhere.”.
Debbie took her toy sloth with her to Loros hospice, where she was looked after in the weeks before she died.
Nearly a year on, Chanel has spent the time grieving and coming to terms with losing her mum and “best friend”.
She said: “For a while you’re on auto
pilot but then as the months go by you start to break bit by bit and I really did hit a low point.”
After her mum’s initial diagnosis, Chanel began working part-time to take care of her, alongside Sam.
But as her conditioned worsened, Chanel eventually left work altogether.
She adapted to a new lifestyle and learned to stifle her feelings while caring for her mum.
“Everything changed, even me as a person, including what I liked and didn’t like or what I felt like doing.
“So when the funeral was over and eventually things started to quiet down, I had to find myself again and learn about this new version on myself.
“I just thought, ‘ Where does that leave me now?’,” she said.
Debbie’s belongings have been left as they were.
“Mum’s bag is still where she left it and so are her shoes. But we will get to that in our own time,” Chanel said.
She started a new job last week and said she was learning to grieve “outside of her comfort zone where there are triggers everywhere”. As Christmas approaches, she and her family are hoping to make it as special as they can, despite the difficulties they have faced while grieving in the lockdown. Chanel is supporting Loros Hospice’s Winter Warmer raffle, something she felt her mum would be proud of. She said: “Supporting Loros, whose staff were so good to Mum in the weeks before she died as well as to us, really helps me. “By raising awareness of their great work, I get to talk about mum and how amazing she was.”
Before she died, Debbie wrote a blog, the Nurse with the Big (C)urse, which she used to tell her cancer story with an “inspiring positivity”.
“She helped people through her blog and I wanted to continue her good work, her positivity,” Chanel said. “I think that’s her legacy and I’ll try to carry that on as much as I can.” To support the Loros Winter Warmer Raffle, visit:
Everything changed, even me as a person, including what I liked and didn’t like or what I felt like doing
Chanel