Couple offering burial plot to family in need
SON THEY LOST 13 YEARS AGO NOW MOVED TO SITE WHERE FAMILY CAN REMEMBER HIM AS THEY WISH TO
AFTER years of “heartache”, a couple who have made the decision to move their son’s body are offering a free burial plot to a family in need.
Clare and Mike Bata unexpectedly lost Haden 13 years ago when Clare went into unexpected labour at just over 19 weeks.
Clare, then 16, was taken to hospital with significant blood loss.
“Doctors said I had already gone into labour and it was too late to stop it,” she said.
“We were told he might be alive but there would be nothing doctors could do to save him.
The couple were given the option of a free hospital burial in a shared plot where four babies would be buried at the same time, or a private burial.
“We were very lucky to have help from family to get a private burial because we were so young at the time,” Clare said.
A private burial at Gilroes Cemetery in Leicester meant more freedom as to how the plot could be decorated, but the couple said they were only offered a lawned grave, which came with more restrictions than they had expected.
“We weren’t allowed to leave anything for him apart from a 15cm border of flowers,” Clare said.
“We would try to leave more there and decorate it how we wanted but it kept getting taken away. We went back and forth with the council, we pleaded and petitioned.”
Mike “found it really hard” and struggled to visit the grave, Clare said.
It was later explained to the couple that two burial plot options should have been made available to them by the funeral director,
A Leicester City Council spokesman said only flowers are allowed on lawned graves because “otherwise the cemetery team would be unable to maintain them”.
“Anyone who wishes to personalise a plot with toys or other items will need to purchase a traditional grave,” the spokesman said.
For 10 years after Haden’s death, Clare could not bring herself to choose a headstone.
“I felt he was in the wrong place and so I just couldn’t commit to a headstone for him,” she said.
Clare and her husband continued to decorate the grave which, eventually, cemetery workers began to leave untouched – for which Clare said she was grateful.
But last year, the items on Haden’s grave were removed.
They took everything away and left a notice on a piece of wood hammered into the ground saying items would be removed.
“That was when we decided to had to move him,” she said.
“Moving Haden was heartbreaking. But the council made sure we got the plot we wanted in the end.”
A council spokesman said: “We worked with Mrs Bata to find a solution and move her son’s remains to a traditional grave, so she can remember him in the way she wishes.
“We understand how distressing such matters can be for families and we do all we can to help.
“We apply the rules so that we can maintain the cemetery for all visitors who come to pay their respects.”
Clare said: “We had to change the coffin and this time I got to choose a special Peter Pan one for him. I wasn’t given a choice last time.
“Because I had Haden before 20 weeks, he wasn’t considered a person, he didn’t get a birth certificate.
“But to us, he was our little Haden. “This happens to a lot of women but not everyone talks about it, it’s a bit of a taboo.”
Soon after losing Haden, Clare became pregnant with Ryley, who is now 12.
After moving Haden, Clare and Mike still own the burial plot for the lawned grave and now want to give it away to a family that needs it.
“Losing a baby is so difficult and especially now when people have lost jobs, planning a funeral is difficult,” Clare said.
“We just want to make things a bit easier for a family that needs it.
“We will also cover the costs of transferring over the deeds to the plot.”
The city council said it will continue to help Clare and her husband.