Mum given a place to mourn her son thanks to kindness of strangers
CEMETERY PLOT GIVEN TO MUM BY FAMILY WHO MOVED THEIR BOY’S REMAINS TO A NEW SITE
A MUM who was unsure what happened to her late son’s remains has been given a plot where she can mourn his loss, thanks to the kindness of strangers.
Zoe Tabor, from Braunstone, fell pregnant in 2011 with her second child, Noah, but then learned he had anencephaly, a life-limiting disease in which the baby’s brain and spinal cord do not develop properly.
She was told he would not survive beyond a few days if she carried him full-term, so she made the difficult decision to medically terminate the pregnancy early.
“It all happened so quickly,” she said
“It was supposed to be a happy time but one week I was finding out I was pregnant and a few weeks later I was in the hospital.”
Now, thanks to a family who wanted to give away the deeds to a baby’s burial plot to help another grieving family, Zoe has a grave for her son, despite his remains not being there. Zoe delivered Noah naturally at 15 weeks and had to be taken for emergency surgery due to complications.
She remained in hospital overnight, where she was still coming to terms with losing him.
At the time, 22-year-old Zoe said she signed a consent form for Noah to undergo a communal cremation with a number of other babies, which would be organised by the hospital.
But still feeling unwell and grieving the loss of her son, Zoe said it was “all a blur and she wasn’t exactly sure what was going on”.
“The next morning, I was given a little bag with a little card with Noah’s name on it, a teddy bear and the tiny blanket he was wrapped in, which was lovely,” she said.
“Then I got the consent form, too, and it was just all at once.”
In the months that followed, family life and work kept Zoe busy and she “carried on as normal” despite grieving her son.
Although she vaguely remembered being told Noah’s ashes would be scattered at Gilroes Cemetery, a seed of doubt meant Zoe did not visit or find out what exactly happened.
She said: “There was a tiny voice in my head telling me maybe Noah didn’t make it to Gilroes because he was so small and maybe he was lost.
“Not everyone will understand that, but I didn’t reach out to anyone to find out because something was always holding me back,” she said.
This year, Noah would have turned 10. As the years have gone by, Zoe became increasingly compelled to mark his passing in a permanent and special way.
That is when she came across Clare Bata, who had shared her story about moving her son’s remains after 13 years. Clare and husband Michael wanted to give away the deeds to their son’s original plot to another grieving family and shared a post on Facebook.
“I saw the post and she seemed to know quite a lot about burials and the bereavement service so I got in touch with her,” Zoe said.
Over the next few weeks, Clare helped Zoe to get in touch with bereavement services to find out what happened to Noah.
“His ashes were scattered across the glade at Gilroes Cemetery but the area is so big, there’s no telling where,” Zoe said.
“It was painful, but it was also a relief to find out what happened to him.”
Clare met Zoe at Gilroes Cemetery for moral support and after some deliberation, Clare offered the burial plot to Zoe.
“I just burst into tears,” Zoe said. “Even though Noah isn’t physically there, it’s somewhere that we can go to say goodbye and remember him. “It means so much.
Clare also offered to pay the £60 fee to transfer the deeds to Zoe, but it was waived by the city council.
With the money she saved, Clare bought flowers.
Zoe and her family have since visited Noah’s plot.
“Without Clare and her family, we wouldn’t be able to have that,” Zoe said.