‘Mum’s plans helped my grief’
How one motHer’s foretHougHt gave Her grieving daugHter strengtH to face Her loss
LOSING a parent is often one of the most difficult things people have to deal with in life. Along with many practical considerations, the emotional toll can be overwhelming, creating a sense of grief that can be painful to confront.
That’s something Claire Hewson knows only too well
– her parents died just a year apart. “Your parents are the people who knew you first,” says Claire. “They love you unconditionally. When they’re gone, it’s a struggle.”
Coping emotionally can depend on the support you have and plans already put in place. Claire’s mother Eileen made her own funeral arrangements, which was a weight off her shoulders.
“My mother was a fantastic organiser,” recalls Claire, 50, a call centre manager from London. “She organised her funeral with the Co-op – her coffin, the car she wanted, and that she wanted to have flowers. I will always be grateful to my mum for doing that. I wouldn’t have known what to choose.”
Claire lost her father Bob three weeks after he was diagnosed with cancer in May 2019. Eileen died suddenly in hospital, in June 2020, while being treated for a liver issue. “It felt like the rug had been pulled from underneath me. No one tells you about death or what it feels like to lose someone. There’s still a stigma when it comes to talking about it.”
She remembers: “When my mum’s sister had died it was traumatic for everyone trying to arrange the funeral and sort the coop.co.uk/funeralcare
for me. She went to the Co-op, had a chat and chose what she wanted. It makes it so much easier for those left behind.”
However, dealing with her mum’s funeral in the pandemic was hard: “There were only 12 allowed, chairs were distanced, and there was no wake. No one hugged me – and hugging is what I remember having when Dad died.
It’s that physical contact, with people saying: ‘It’s okay, we’ve got you.’ When you haven’t got that, it’s painful.
“First milestones are difficult – Christmas and New Year, Dad’s birthday, my birthday, Mum’s birthday…” These occasions can be hard, but Claire has found ways of dealing with her bereavement. She received support from The Good Grief Trust charity, which facilitated online chats called ‘Good Grief Cafés’ so she could share her feelings with others who had suffered loss: “We all understood the grief each other was going through.”
Co-op Funeralcare offers practical help by connecting bereaved people to specialist organisations and charities that support those who are grieving. It can also provide further advice about funeral plans.
Claire recommends talking to loved ones about death. “My mum started conversations about death but I didn’t carry them on, and so I don’t know where Mum wants her ashes to be scattered.
“I urge people to have those conversations. It’s important. You will know what that person wants, and you can honour their wishes.”
organised the coffin, car and flowers. I’ll always be grateful for that’
For Mother’s Day, the Co-op is helping people remember Mum with special seed cards to grow flowers as a loving tribute – available at selected funeral homes and food stores.