Mum tells of hope of helping others on the anniversary of son’s death
ADAM’S LAST PHOTO IN DISPLAY SHOWS HOW SMILES CAN HIDE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS FOR SOME
IT was three years ago that Indila Simandi came home to find her 18-year-old son Adam had taken his own life.
But with all the time that has passed, she said the grief has not got any easier.
Indila, of Glenfield, now wants people to hear Adam’s story in the hope it helps prevent the death of one of their own children.
She said signs were there that Adam was having “dark thoughts” but she was unequipped to deal with the problem.
She said: “Adam dropped out of school when he was 16 and he was working as an apprentice chef at the time of his death.
“He just put leaving school down to exam stress and didn’t seem to want help but I feel very strongly I lacked the tools to help Adam.
“We knew he was having dark thoughts but I was kind of freaked out and I thought if I ignored them they might go away.”
Adam was one of six siblings and, like many others who take their own lives, was capable of hiding his feelings.
His picture is one of 49 on display in The Last Photo, an outdoor exhibition on at the South Bank in London of the last pictures taken of men and women who went on to take their lives.
The aim of the project, by the charity The Campaign Against Living Miserably (Calm), is to demonstrate how smiles can hide suicidal thoughts and urge more conversation about suicide, which causes so much pain for families.
Suicide is the cause of about 125 deaths every week in the UK.
Commenting on the family’s pain since Adam’s death, Indila said: “He is one of six children and what happened devastated all of our lives.
“It’s been very, very difficult and it’s not getting easier in any shape or form.
“But I want to do something that might help other people in a similar situation so I always try to support organisations that raise awareness and try to break through the stigma of suicide.
“I feel I should have asked Adam, ‘Are you having suicidal thoughts?.’ I could have tried to help him open up.”
On what would have been
Adam’s 21st birthday, Indila and her family installed a memorial bench in Millennium Green, the park in Glenfield where Adam’s last photo was taken, and a place where he spent a lot of time with family, friends and his dog, Chewbacca.
Now, Adam’s bench has become a space not only for people to go and remember him, but also a place to have those difficult conversations.
Indila said: “We felt that even though we think about him every second of the day, we wanted somewhere for people to go to remember him. Losing someone to suicide is incomprehensible and one way of trying to survive losing your loved one is to find something that helps you to cope.”
Indila is still learning how to speak about suicide and wants other people to be equipped with the tools to potentially save a life, or to know how to ask for help when things are tough.
She said: “I wish I’d had this awareness earlier, because it might have helped our awesome Adam. I want to do everything in my power to save lives.”