On my mind

WHEN Moscow recalled popular local sleeper Evanskovsky (aka Evans the Spy), who used to live in Pwll, people wondered who would replace him. Now unreliable reports indicate that his place has been taken by Ivan Chestikoff, recently out of deep self-isolation, and known to his new neighbours as Ivan the Red.

Rumour has it that Ivan used to work in the infamous troll factory in St Petersburg and knows this part of the world quite well. He has a successful history of hacking, setting up fake social media accounts and causing confusion and chaos in local government circles. However, when interviewed he admitted that he couldn’t really improve on the current situation.

Ivan revealed that the Welsh counter-intelligence service, M4, was only open on Monday mornings and they received most of their disinformation down the road from London.

But he has a good relationship with Prime Minister Cummingsky and his special adviser with the Russian name, presumably, he thought, named after the fictional Boris Badenov, main antagonist in the 1960s ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle Show’.

The fact that Boris was not Gudenov (like the 16th century Tsar of the same name) and, like Cummingksy, had poor eyesight meant that he could not see Ivan’s country’s oligarchs’ dropping roubles all over London and has not noticed any interference in UK elections. This has made his job easier. Ivan has also especially enjoyed the subsidised lunches with his friends in the House of Lords, known in his own country as the Russia House, and admired there for its unusual approach to democracy.

Ivan is looking forward to spying on people in Wales and hopes that the Welsh people will feel at home with his own people when the English finally sell off Wales to Russia to balance the books.

Follow Graham on Twitter@GeeTDee