How to breach a troubled teenage boy’s wall of silence
ABI JACKON FINDS OUT HOW TO GET TEENAGE BOYS TO TALK ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS BEFORE THEY GET TOO MUCH
Are you a parent or guardian concerned about how you can help teenage boys to open up?
There is growing awareness around supporting young people’s mental health and wellbeing – laying foundations for them to be able to ask for help when they need it.
But this can be particularly tricky for males, and youth mental health charity stem4 says ‘toxic masculinity’ is still playing a part.
The charity surveyed 1,068 boys and young men aged 14-21 and found 37% are experiencing mental health difficulties. Stress was the most common difficulty reported (47%), followed by depression or low mood (33%) and anxiety (27%).
Of those experiencing difficulties, just one in five said they were receiving treatment, while 51% had not spoken to anyone. Meanwhile, 46% of all respondents said they wouldn’t ask for help ‘even if things got really bad’.
When asked why, 36% said they didn’t have the courage, 32% said they ‘don’t want to make a fuss’ and 30% said they would feel ashamed. Plus, 21% are worried people would laugh or think less of them, and 14% said they would ‘feel less masculine’ if they asked for help.
The survey also looked at where these beliefs might be coming from: 70% of the respondents said boys and young men are negatively portrayed in the media, and almost half (46%) said ‘pressure from peers to behave in a dominant masculine way’ was having a negative impact on the mental health of this group.
“We live in a culture that puts huge pressure on boys and young men to behave in particular ways, many of them damaging to their mental health,” says Dr Nihara Krause, consultant clinical psychologist and stem4 founder.
“Our survey shows exactly why this is so damaging with many suffering in silence, even when they’re approaching crisis point.”
Stem4 works with students, parents and teachers in secondary schools and colleges. As well as delivering workshops, there’s lots of information on its website. The charity has also four NHS-approved smartphone apps.
Spotting the signs
It may not be immediately obvious when a teenager or young person is experiencing mental health difficulties or how this is affecting them, and chances are they won’t be able to just tell you. Dr Krause says it’s helpful for parents and guardians to “learn how to spot any signs and listen to how boys may express how they feel, because they may not express it in the same way as others might.
“For example, it may be that they express it through their behaviour – and that might come across as very difficult to manage behaviour, but actually it might be that they’re feeling quite anxious,” Dr Krause adds. “Or that they are quite unhappy but want to be left alone to deal with that unhappiness in not necessarily the best way possible.”