Always make time for ‘T’

SETTLE down, children! You at the back. Take that chewing gum out of your mouth immediately! What? Where can you put it? I’ll tell you exactly where you can put it. Behind your ear. No! The left one. You still have yesterday’s gum stuck behind your right ear.

Today, I want to discuss how people are badly treating the English language in everyday conversations and the media.

This is not new territory. Some years ago I wrote about the mystery (or should that be mys’ery?) of the missing letter ‘T’ from people’s conversations due to the influence of

Estuary English made popular by EastEnders.

Or should that be “Eas’Enders”? Even people who’ve never watched the soap talk that way after talking to people who have watched it.

Still with me?

The Mys’ery Of The Missing T, which was a tongue-in-cheek dig at the sloppy way that many people speak these days, still hasn’t been solved. In fact, it’s become even more noticeable. Or should that be no’iceable?

You’ll see a pattern emerging here. Or should that be a pa’ern? My grammar is important to me (and so is my grandpa – sorry, couldn’t resist!) and although I’ve never claimed to be a brilliant ‘spellist’, in my job the words I use have to be clearly understood.

You’d think TV news reporters would have the same attitude, yet I once heard a reporter refer to an event that happened “several mumfs ago”!

There’s still a dent in the wall where I banged my head . . . repeatedly.

I often hear people say things that make my toes curl and my teeth itch.

There was one particular occasion when my toes itched and my teeth curled, which was a real challenge to my dentist.

A while ago in a Cardiff café I overheard a conversa’ion be’ween two women tha’ went roughly like this… “Comin’ ow with me and Trace on Sa’urday?”

“No. Cele’bry Catchphrase and An’ n’ Dec’s on. And Jonafan Ross” “Don’ you have Ne’flix?”

“Used oo. Couldn’ find nuffink to watch.”

“‘Is go’ some fascina’in documen’ries.” “They’s borin’ they is”.

“Look a’ the time! We berrer g’ back to work!”

“Yeah. The Depar’men’ Of Educashun won’ run i’self.”