World champs at nettle eating snubbed
IN AN era when mere footballers are pampered, preened and treated like princes, I feel Tony Jeyes and Lindie Rogers – the newly crowned world nettle eating champs – have been snubbed.
There were no national banner headlines for the pair after they munched through a combined 102 feet of the stinging weeds.
That, admittedly, is small beer compared to the achievements of last year’s winner Philip Thorne, who swallowed a record-breaking 104 feet worth of nettles. The Devon athlete is a veritable Pele among competitive plant eaters.
Philip couldn’t make it to this year’s event. He’s probably still waiting for the swelling to go down.
The West Midlands has a rich nettle eating tradition and, in 2017, Solihull’s Jon Searle lifted the crown with a 70 foot sitting.
The world championships, staged at The Bottle Inn, Marshwood, Dorset, on July 27, were shunned by Sky Sports, which devotes hours to the annual Fish O Mania tournament: gripping footage of overweight men in kagools sitting on the fringes of a rainlashed pond.
There’s little mania on display. At last year’s tournament, excitement reached a crescendo when one angler dropped his sandwich in the drink. “That mistake may come back to haunt him,” bellowed the northern commentator. At tea-time, presumably.
Sky has scored a serious own goal by giving the nettle championships a wide berth.
It missed the chance of screening grown men screaming in agony as they attempted to devour venomous plants.
That is a big mistake from a network that has previously shown curling, which entails frantically taking a broom to ice, and dressage, the art of making horses dance.
I’ve watched the latter and pondered whether the nags are very clever or the sand simply very hot.
At least the event, watched by a 100-strong crowd, made the pages of the Times and Country Life.
The Times reported: “Contestants’ tongues turn black, dyed by the high iron content of the plant. Some come out in a blistering rash. And if the nettles are not chewed properly, they could scrape the throat and affect your breathing.
“Nettles have been eaten around the world for thousands of years. They can be used to make stews and soup. The leaves can also be brewed to make tea or turned into pesto, vinegar, beer or herbal medicine.
“At the championship, however, they are eaten raw after being picked from farmers’ fields the night before and kept in cold water to ensure they do not lose their punch.”
Petrol companies will not issue collectable tokens bearing brave winners Tony and Lindie’s images, along with coins featuring Cooper’s Hill cheeserolling king, the champion black pudding hurler and the Isle of Man’s tin bath racing titleholder.
I still possess the entire set of Texaco’s 1970 World Cup tokens, a collection that spawns one question when shown to football fans of a certain age: did Keith Newton really go to Mexico?
There will be no celebratory stamps issued for Philip Thorne, no WAGs on his arm, no aftershave and fashion range named after the nettle legend.
Meanwhile, the bravery of our own Jon Searle has also been forgotten – and that is an injustice. I implore Solihull Council to at least give the man a civic reception and freedom of the borough.
I have one question for new men’s titleholder Tony, now the stalk of the nettle eating world: why? For being stung within an inch of his life, he received only a small, silver cup.
In fairness, the daredevil has given an honest answer.
He attended the event as a spectator, but, after a few beers too many, decided to give it a go.
After a session, you’ll eat anything. I once returned home drunk and sucked on a frozen cod fillet. I began the snack at midnight and was still sucking at 3am.
But I’ve never been drunk enough to eat the garden. In 2017, I interviewed Solihull’s own champion nettle scoffer Jon Searle and he candidly revealed the torture behind taking the title.
“They tasted like runner beans on fire,” he said. “My hands were stinging for 48 hours afterwards.
“To be honest, I was tentative at the start – having someone push a bunch of nettles in front of you and say ‘Eat that’ is quite terrifying.
“But a young lad came over and said ‘You’re going to get stung, anyway’, so I decided to dive in. I had to go with it.”
In the sporting world, every great has his own, winning technique: high jumper Dick Fosbury had his flop, Muhammad Ali had his shuffle, wrestler Big Daddy had his power slam, darts player Jocky Wilson had his five pints of lager.
Jon puts victory down to “The Sandwich”. Rather than munching through the nettles, stalk by stalk, he packed them into a weed sandwich, the nonstinging side of the leaves facing upward.
“And I squeezed the juice out first,” confided Jon. “But the best tip I can give those considering taking part is turn up, get drunk and eat nettles.”
Others rub their lips with dock leaves, and some load up on painkillers prior to the challenge.
Nettle legend Thorne said: “I think I liked the challenge of it. You’ve got to be a bit mad, don’t you? We’re British and that’s what we like about it: we’re a bit bonkers.”